Getting into the Halloween spirit, I recently rewatched the Addams Family and Addams Family Values from the 90s with the irreplaceable Angelica Houston, a delightfully bizarre Christopher Lloyd, and of course, a dangerous Joan Cusack. I hadn’t seen these since I was a child and boy, was I in for a surprise!
I was expecting some spooky, gothic, kids-movie humor, which there certainly was, but I was not expecting the Addams family to be a perfect model of a family free of shame and guilt, yet loving and accepting while remaining progressive in their politics and raising of their children. As I watched, I was more and more in awe of how genuinely normal and well-adjusted these characters were and finally understood why these films are so genius. They’re not just about a kooky, weird family. They’re a guide to having a healthy and fulfilling family life!
Let me tell you why.
Morticia and Gomez are super kinky
Oftentimes, kink is depicted as contradictory to family life. It can sometimes feel like having children means the end of one’s sex life, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Gomez and Morticia are proof of that. They model a delightfully kinky relationship, yet still manage to raise socially conscious children who have a healthy understanding of sex, science, life, and death.
Right from the opening of the first film, Gomez and Morticia reveal some of their most basic kinks. Morticia revels in misery and torture and Gomez lives to admire and satisfy her. She encourages him to be wild and “unhinged”, showing that their relationship is based on enthusiastic consent. They are in an established relationship that is built on honest, clear, and frequent communication. It’s beautiful to behold!
Not only do we discover that Morticia loves to be tortured, but she also loves to torture Gomez. She says so as she cuts the roses off their stems. How radical is that? A femdom in a movie rated PG-13. Pretty progressive, if you ask me.
Sex isn’t shameful
Morticia and Gomez are in a committed, loving, adult relationship. They have two children (and eventually, three). They fuck, and everyone knows it. Because, of course, they do. They’re two consenting adults in love. Why shouldn’t they?
Their sex life seems to be monogamous but they do play with each other’s jealousy just to stoke their own flame. They don’t do anything sick or twisted unless it’s consensual. They play with BDSM and they maintain their status as sexual beings despite the community around them, which seems to be a “normal”, conservative, sex-shaming culture.
Not only is this healthy for their relationship, but they are also setting an example for their kids. They show that sexuality is to be embraced enthusiastically and enjoyed consensually, without shame.
A proactive approach to sex ed
They have clearly told their children the truth, directly and frankly about how a child is made. As I’ve said before, in the Addams family, there is no shame around sex.
This is in contrast to the average American child Wednesday and Pugsley encounter in the hospital, who was sold fairy tales in place of facts because her parents likely felt too much shame around sex and bodies to tell her the truth. After a long, meandering story about diamonds and storks, Pugsley responds by saying, “Our parents are having a baby, too.” Wednesday, mildly disgusted by the other kid’s fantastical belief in this princess version of the stork story, says matter-of-factly, “They had sex.”
It’s not just sex education though, Morticia takes a proactive approach to educating her children generally. She never shames her children and she is a master at manipulating an exchange to demonstrate whatever she wishes the other person or people to walk away with understanding.
Take, for example, the discussion of the tortoise and the hare. Morticia wants to highlight resilience skills for her children, so when they shout various, gruesome answers she exclaims, “Yes!” And goes on to redirect them by saying that they will survive, no matter what torture they must endure.
Girls are taught self-defense
Girls are often encouraged to do harmless and domestic things as children. Boys are often encouraged to wield weapons and get into some form of recreational fighting. The Addams children are both always playing with sharp objects and their parents encourage them both to master swordplay, knife-wielding, and the use of other sharp objects.
Wednesday and Pugsley constantly try to kill each other and later, the baby. This gives them real life experience in defending themselves against an attacker. Morticia and Gomez are always around to supervise and make sure they stay alive, but they let them explore their limits. This helps them to develop a strong sense of autonomy and confidence.
Sure, it may seem a bit extreme, but child abuse happens and self-defense is essential, especially for kids, who are targeted by dangerous people due to their vulnerability, which actually happens in the movie. If it weren’t for that escape hatch, Wednesday might have been caught by Fester’s “mother” and forced to use her self-defense skills. Thank goodness she would have them.
Refreshing approach to gender
“It’s a boy.”
“It’s a girl.”
…”It’s an Addams!”
Pugsley and Wednesday seem to have a bet going, or some sort of rivalry about the sex of the baby, but no one else seems preoccupied with it. When the baby is born, Gomez bursts into the room and announces that it’s an Addams! His refusal to use gendered language in that moment changes the focus from one of sex to one of family. The family has one more Addams and that’s the important thing.
The baby wears baby clothes that aren’t gendered. Later on, when Pugsley and Wednesday dress him up as Marie Antoinette, no one cares or comments on it being weird or bad or different. It’s fine. They’re playing. They use she pronouns and fully commit to the role and no one says this is going to make him gay or “gender-confused”.
This moment in the film isn’t made into a big deal in any way and that’s what’s so genius about it. They manage to completely normalize gender-swapping.
Men express emotions
For far too long, men have been expected to resist experiencing and expressing any emotion other than anger. Over centuries of a flawed, patriarchal system of control, men have internalized the idea that emotions are the domain of women. Misogyny ensures that it is then seen as a weakness to express emotion.
Gomez is all about emotion. He feels and expresses everything passionately. When he believes Fester to be a fake, he yells at the top of his lungs that he is an IMPOSTORE! When he is turned on by Morticia, he immediately gives in to his feelings. When he is excited, his eyes light up and he jumps to his feet, electrified. Gomez not only feels his feelings, but they don’t make him any less manly. They make him more manly.
What’s more, is that Gomez and Fester express emotions to each other. Rarely do we get to see men discussing emotions with one another in direct and vulnerable ways. Gomez confesses his jealousy to Fester in relation to wooing Flora and Fauna, and then Fester confesses his jealousy of Gomez and Morticia in the next movie. These confessions lead to increased intimacy between the two and further solidify their bond as brothers.
Empathy above all
It’s not just between brothers though. All of the Addamses display a great sense of empathy.
Even when faced with the threat of imminent death, they patiently listen to and empathize with Debbie as she tells them her tales of woe. They hear her, comfort her, and even wish her luck as she prepares to electrocute them all to death.
How did they develop this great capacity for empathy?
Again, proactive parenting comes into play. Earlier, Morticia is seen reading to school children. She reads Hansel and Gretel and ensures that the children understand how horrific it is to burn an old woman to death. She doesn’t justify the violence, as most teachers at the time would have, by saying that she was a witch and therefore deserves to be burned alive. Instead, she encourages the children to develop empathy for her.
And couldn’t we all do with a little more (or a lot more) empathy in the world?
They call out privilege
The Addams Family is a rich family. They know they’re rich and they enjoy it, shamelessly. But they are also very aware of other forms of oppression and actively work against it. Their children know about the truth of how America was built on native land and native blood.
In some tongue-in-cheek cinema, the camp counselors even proudly proclaim that at camp Chippewa, they’re “here to learn, to grow and to just plain have fun! Because that’s what being privileged is all about!” Later on, the camera pans to show that all of the campers who aren’t the ideal body (thin, white, and blonde) are treated as outcasts and largely dismissed as annoying things to tolerate. The filmmakers were clearly aware of systems of privilege and how they manifest in mainstream places like summer camps.
In what is perhaps the most cathartic scene, especially given the current context in North America where increasing numbers of unmarked graves of indigenous children who had been forcibly taken to residential schools are being uncovered, Wednesday plays Pocahontas at the request of the camp counselor, Gary. But, she veers off script, giving an impassioned speech about the current realities of the ongoing colonization of North America and, along with the other outcast campers, sets the pilgrim settlement ablaze. Despite this movie being 30 years old, this is the kind of anti-colonial wake-up call many still need to hear.
Dis/abled-coded characters
Thing is a disembodied hand. Thing is mute and communicates through pantomime, sign language, MORSE CODE, and writing. He is ridiculously talented with a roller skate and is eager to lend a hand. He is always treated with respect and included in the family’s affairs.
In terms of physical differences, cousin Itt is head to toe hair. Some can understand his speech, but it’s very high pitched and even the subtitles say he’s speaking gibberish. Yet again, he is not treated as inferior. If anything, everyone seems to be in awe of his suave coolness. Flora and Fauna are conjoined twins who are not fetishized, but they aren’t desexualized either. Lumpy Addams has a hunchback and is portrayed as a normal, shy and well-mannered young gentleman.
Lurch is a big guy who, to me, screams neurodivergent. He’s an emotionally sensitive (though physically indestructible) musician who is observant and loyal. He speaks slowly, if at all, and these traits together could be suggestive of various mood and personality disorders.
Uncle Fester escaped 25 years of abuse from the woman he comes to know as Mother. He clearly shows many symptoms of abuse. He hunches, he seems to always be anxious and he snaps at all sorts of things. But when he stays a while, he blossoms into a lovable uncle who cares deeply about his newfound family. This shows the power of unconditional love and acceptance when healing from abuse.
Altogether, this family is full of people who could be considered parts of the dis/abled community and they are never treated as weird or abnormal by anyone in the family. They are seen for all they are and accepted without the slightest hint of pity or condescension. Just the opposite, they are often heroes, coming to the aid of many characters.
Halloween and beyond
So, you see? The Addams Family really does have it all. A close-knit family, progressive values and wildly fulfilling sex lives. We should all be so lucky.
Happy Halloween!