Between working in a sex shop for 3 years and running this site for over 4 years, let’s just say that I’ve learned a thing or two about sex toys.
Heck, these 7+ years reviewing, selling, and reading about people’s opinions on sex toys have given me a pretty good idea of what the best stuff is. So there’s really no better time to do a roundup of the GOAT toys that have graced this world!
Before we get to the fun, here’s a bit of a Disclaimer:
Each toy type comes with a Cheap & Fancy entry. But cheap doesn’t always mean “not expensive”, it just means it’s cheap for the toy type (ie: A cheap sex-machine is much more expensive than a cheap cock ring ).
In some cases, cheap options are just not worth the money with certain kinds of toys. But I still try to add options that are a few bucks cheaper while still being worth the money. In this case, these entries will be labeled as Cheap(er).
Finally, it’s pretty hard to boil entire toy categories down to two different choices, especially when everyone has different needs. So definitely check the additional links included if you want more choices to pick from! My specific toy lists are filled with toys I’d stand behind, and they’re by no means bad, even if they didn’t make it on this GOAT list.
These are simply the best affordable body-safe dual-density dildos you can get your hands on today.
We only wish there were some realistic colors available for those of us who prefer uncanny realism. But I must admit that the available colors are pretty funky and alluring none the less. Plus, there’s even some glow in the dark options!
If you’re a big ol’ geek like I am, this will probably be your new favorite company.
You’ll definitely get your traditional tentacle dildo, dragon dicks, and odd creatures here. But you’ll also have access to unique options such as Hulk’s dick, Thor’s hammer, or even the god-damned Master Sword!
Though they are affordable, they are definitely not cheaply made. The low prices are mainly due to being an Australian company and having a low currency compared to the US dollar.
Otherwise, if they are still too rich for your blood, it doesn’t get much cheaper than Addiction’s Ben & Tom.
Bad Dragon is definitely the obvious choice when it comes to fantasy toys, so this entry shouldn’t surprise anyone.
The problem is that not everyone wants to support this company as they’ve had their fair share of controversy attached to them. So if you’re looking for alternatives, two of my favorite options are Mr.Hankey ( go for their X-SMALL collection for “regular” sizes ) and Uberrime!
Abstract / unrealistic body-safe vibrating dildos might be one of the hardest things to find in the sex toy world. What’s even harder is finding an option that is also both affordable and powerful… and Blush gave us a whole collection of them!
Did I mention that they’re also harness compatible & come with some pretty decent suction cups as well?
Yup, if dildos could be unicorns, that would be it!
The Ella is essentially a slightly larger Gigi 2 sans vibrator. And since the Gigi 2’s popularity was definitely due to its shape ( it had some pretty underwhelming vibrations for the price ) this is great news for future Ella owners.
This shape is particularly interesting because it works with both penetrative and rocking motions, whereas most other G-spot toys do better with rocking/pressure.
With all things considered, the Ella is definitely a great cheap way to enjoy Lelo’s usually expensive toys!
If you know anything about sex toys, you probably were anticipating this entry already. But what can I say, this bullet vibrator has been a crowd pleaser and a classic ever since the day it hit the floors of sex shops around the world.
This is all thanks to the fact that the Tango is super rumbly and powerful for its size, satisfying even the most power-hungry power queens.
Just as long as you enjoy pinpoint stimulation, you will probably love this toy!
The Liberty is a smaller, less powerful but much more affordable alternative to the rest of the beloved Womanizer line. The sacrifice in power isn’t as big as you’d expect either as it’s about one intensity level lower than the Classic.
Surprisingly, this model is about half the size of its counterparts, so it’s super easy to include during sex/toy play as well.
The only real nitpick I have with this great affordable option is that the jumps between the intensities are much less gradual than what the Classic & Premium have to offer. But otherwise, it’s definitely a solid option considering the price!
The Melt is the best suction/pulsion toys you can get your hands on today. And it’s no coincidence as We-Vibe and Womanizer are now sister companies.
I had a hard time deciding between the Womanizer Premium & We-Vibe’s Melt for this entry, but since the Melt is cheaper, completely covered in silicone, and provides even more suction than the former, I decided on the latter. Either way, you probably won’t regret it!
The Duo is a cross between a Womanizer and a Rabbit, essentially making the best hybrid for lazy and quick orgasms.
Of course, Womanizer’s take on Rabbit sex toys wouldn’t be as successful if it wasn’t for its flexible shaft that can accommodate different anatomies. All you have to do is insert the toy, line up the mouth with your clitoris and let it go to town.
It’s still worth noting that, because of this flexibility, those who enjoy vigorous g-spot pressure or more active play might be left a little hungry. But if you just want a toy to do all the work for you, it doesn’t get much better than this!
The Quickshots are inconspicuous, cheap, and feel almost as great as any other Fleshlights.
They also double as great couples toys as well since the open-ended design allows for your significant other to fellate you while in use. At the price of being a bit less stealthy, the transparent Quickshot Vantage can also give a pretty good view to your partner as well!
Of course, the open-ended design means you won’t have as much head stimulation and suction as with traditional Fleshlights. But considering the price, versatility, and ease of cleaning it offers in exchange, I’d say the Quickshots are definitely on par with their more expensive counterparts.
Adding vibration to the already excellent Tenga Flip Zero was probably one of the best moves made in all of male masturbation’s history.
The EV has 5 different intense vibrations, it’s rechargeable and you can adjust the tightness of the toy with pressure plates just like with the other Flip Zeros. Plus, since it is a closed design, you do get a great amount of suction as well.
I also love that there’s a vibrator at the entrance of the orifice as well as at the other end for head stimulation. Thanks to this feature, there’s not an inch of your manhood that’s going to feel left out!
These are the best “no-frills” silicone cock rings you can get your hands on.
Being made of premium platinum cured silicone, they are extremely durable and can also be fully sanitized. Another big plus is that silicone rings have less of a tendency of getting caught in pubic hair ( You’ll know what I’m talking about if you tried a cock ring made out of anything else ).
Silicone also allows for different rigidities, so you can go with either their soft or tight versions of C-Rings depending on where you are in your cock ring journey.
Disclaimer: Vibrating Cock Rings are only really meant for grinding as the vibe will normally leave the clitoris during normal PIV sex. If you’re looking for something that will stay on the clitoris during sex, take a look at the Dual Stimulation entry in the Wireless Wearable Vibrators section below!
As you can see, I understand that vibrating cock rings are not for everyone, and the only way to figure out whether it’s a fit for you is to try one out. If you’re willing to give these a shot, the Screaming-O rings are perfect since they’re cheap, strong, and body-safe.
Plus, if you end up disliking it, you can simply salvage the great little rechargeable vibrator that comes included ( it’s the same one I suggested for the cheap option in the clit vibes above! ). So either way, this vibrating cock ring definitely won’t be a waste of cash!
If you enjoy deep and powerful rumbly vibrations, this cock ring is a clear winner. It features 5 incremental vibrations that go from subtle rumbles to bone-rattling reverberations.
A nice plus is that the vibrations are strong enough for the reverberations to be felt throughout his manhood, effectively turning any man into a full-on vibrator. So even if you’re not grinding as you play, you’ll still feel something when away from the vibe!
The only difference between the two models is that the Atom Plus comes with an extra vibrator that is meant to be worn with the ring pulled past the testicles for some intense perineum stimulation.
The Pure Wand isn’t for the uninitiated and it’s definitely not a “set and forget” prostate massager like Aneros makes. This toy gives you a much more hands-on experience, so it is crucial that you know what you are doing.
Once you get accustomed to it, the Pure Wand offers some of the most intense leverage that you will ever find. Another plus is that, since it’s made of stainless steel, it’s nearly indestructible and will allow you to use silicone lube ( the most long-lasting lube ) during play!
But it might be a bit of overkill for those only looking for a prostate massager for prostatitis or for those who are only starting out. So if you like the idea of stainless steel and having more control over your experience but don’t necessarily need all that size and leverage, Njoy’s smaller Pfun is definitely a great option as well thanks to its loop handle.
The Anal Fantasy butt plugs are my favorite option when it comes to affordable & body-safe plugs.
They’re also my number one recommendation for anyone looking to get started with anal sex. So if you’re a complete beginner, this is definitely a great place to start.
This is all thanks to the fact that their shape isn’t too intense, and the stems have a decent amount of girth to get you used to dilation. Start small and work your way up their available sizes and you should become a pro in no time!
The Tristan plug is essentially the king of all trainer plugs.
Their shapes are more reminiscent of most penises/dildos out there and the neck is one the thickest we’ve ever seen so it is absolutely perfect to train you for actual anal sex!
The reason why the Tristan plugs are so great is that they’re the result of a collaboration between Vixen Creations ( one of our favorite independent toy companies ) and the sex educator and activist Tristan Taormino, writer of the bestselling “The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women”.
The pure plugs by Njoy are ultra-hygienic, made of surgical stainless steel, come in multiple sizes, and are nearly indestructible.
The loop handle is also a great feature especially when you enjoy some penetrative motions with your butt plugs. But even if you’re a set and forget kind of person, it will still make it that much easier to remove or insert when everything is all wet and slippery.
A lot of men are going to be glad to hear that the curved shape along with the handle makes this plug a pretty good option for prostate stimulation as well. Though nothing beats Njoy’s Pfun when it comes to prostate plugs.
For a few dollars more, the Esca 2’s vibrations are deeper/rumblier & quieter than the Lush’s at the cost of being a touch less powerful.
It has similar app control as the Lush, and since it operates on Kiiroo technology, it can also be synced with interactive & VR content if you wish to have the vibrations match the porn you watch! Since it’s made by Ohmibod, music syncing is also top-notch on this device.
Sadly, the connection is not as good as Lovense’s, so you might run into issues especially if you don’t have a slim build.
The Ferri, which clearly takes its inspiration from the Moxie, is just a touch cheaper than its main influence.
Just like the Moxie’s design, it is held in place thanks to a magnet that holds the toy in place in your underwear. So if you prefer to go commando, you might prefer an internal toy instead.
The Ferri is less rumbly than the Moxie on lower levels but it’s also a little stronger than the Moxie overall. While it’s not a big difference, if you’re always seeking more power, this might be enough for your to lean towards the Ferri. On the other hand, if you’re all about the rumbles, you’ll probably prefer the Moxie.
As always, connectivity is a little better with Lovense’s toys than with We-Vibe’s.
Before the Ferri pretty much stole We-Vibe’s innovative design, the Moxie was the best ( and only, imho ) wireless & hands-free panty clit vibe around.
Being the makers of the extremely popular & powerful Tango, I had a lot of expectations when it came to the vibrations. And while the Moxie doesn’t reach the heights of the Tango, I’m happy to say that the vibrations are still pretty impressive none-the-less!
At its maximum strength, it’s actually pretty similar to the Tango’s 3rd setting, which is definitely no slouch.
A bit win over the Ferri is that it can also be controlled by a small controller ( on top of your usual App controls ).
Only one entry here! It’s the only acceptable choice and everything else just doesn’t meet the Tabooless quality standards.
If you want a wireless and hands-free sex toy that vibrates powerfully on both the Clitoris and G-Spot, this is your guy! The Chorus is made to clamp onto your pubic bone and it is fully adjustable, which is a godsend considering the variety of anatomies it aims to please.
This little hands-free sex toy also rumbles like it’s at least twice its size!
The Chorus can be used solo, with toys, or during penetration with a partner as it is pretty small, leaving room for anything and anyone that wishes to come along for the ride! So needless to say it is super versatile.
As always with We-Vibe you get access to both their App and a small remote for controls. There’s also an option to squeeze the remote to intensify the vibrations. Wich is a really natural way of operating the toy as a lot of folks tend to naturally squeeze anything within their reach when nearing climax!
This hands-free vibrating butt plug is perfect for private or public play as well as long-distance relationships. So if you’re looking for strong vibrations in a wireless anal plug, it’s definitely a great option.
The lack of a controller for the Hush makes it a bit awkward to use during intercourse though, having to bring your smartphone along for the ride.
So you might prefer the much smaller Ditto by We-Vibe since it comes with a wireless remote. It’s also a great alternative if you find the 2 sizes the Hush comes in too big
B-Vibe’s Rimming plugs are vibrating butt plugs with rotating beads at the base that come with a variety of steady rotations and patterns. The “Rimming” sensation the beads offer is so stimulating that many even report having straight-up hands-free orgasms without any other kind of stimulation!
The thick stem/base of this butt plug also makes it a great plug for anal training as well.
While the vibrations offered might not be the rumbliest around, when the rotations kick in, it most likely won’t leave you underwhelmed!
These innovative plugs come in 3 comprehensive sizes which should satisfy most people.
The only real caveat here is that it’s only remote-controlled with no App support. So if you were looking for a butt plug for long-distance relationships, that might not be it.
The Edge vibrates on both the perineum and prostate and features a completely adjustable prostate arm. So If you’ve had issues in the past with the fit of your prostate toys, this is as good as it gets.
Just keep in mind that if you’re a beginner, you would be better off with the more accessible Vector below since this prostate massager is a bit on the thicker side.
So whether you need a customized fit, a cheaper option to the Vector, or even if you’re just looking for a good & thick prostate LDR toy, the Edge will be absolutely fit for the job.
The Vector is small yet powerful, so it’s perfect for beginners and pros alike. I’d even argue that it’s the best prostate massager for beginners who enjoy vibrations.
Plus, small powerful vibrating prostate toys are really a rarity in the prostate massager world. So I’m definitely not complaining about this new release!
The Vector also borrowed an important feature from We-Vibes Chorus ( or was it Lovense’s Edge? ): Its adjustable neck. So if you like the idea of an adjustable prostate massager, We-Vibe’s got you covered as well!
As always, just like most We-Vibe toys, it is controllable via both app and remote!
If you’re into the old-school cool of leather harnesses, we’d argue that the only ones you will ever need are the Aslan Harnesses. They’re simply some of the most comfortable and durable leather harnesses you will find today.
If you’re quite the minimalist or if you’re low on funds, they offer a cheaper option called the Commando.
The commando is stable but not the most comfortable & versatile harness they make. Still, it’s definitely a durable and quality option to consider when trying to save a few bucks!
It can easily be converted from Jockstrap to G-String style harnesses without much effort, allowing for a ton of versatility. Want to give easy access to the good stuff? Switch to Jockstrap. Want a nice base to rub on or to hold your “Strapless” dildos? Switch to G-String. It’s really 2 harnesses in 1!
If you like the Idea of “Strapless” dildos but never could find the perfect fit for you, you’ll probably also love their Double Up Dildo Cuffs. It’s essentially a dildo holder for the wearer that you can attach at the bottom of your strap-on. Thanks to this add-on, you can attach any dildo or butt plug with a base and enjoy some penetration of your own while wearing your harness!
Rodeoh makes brief-style strap-ons that are essentially a cheap alternative to the great Spareparts Tomboi Harness.
Just like Spareparts’ harnesses, each model comes outfitted with a stretchy adjustable O-ring, so you won’t have to carry multiple rings to accommodate all of your dildos. They are also compatible with “Strapless” dildos thanks to an opening aligned with the O-Ring.
They aren’t as stable or durable as the panty and brief-style harnesses from SpareParts and definitely not as stable as most traditional jockstrap or G-string style harnesses, but for an affordable option, they still work quite well.
If you’re looking for the one harness to rule them all, the SpareParts HardWear gear is pretty hard to beat.
So whether you go with the very stable Joque or their convenient underwear-style harnesses like the Tomboi, Lingerie and Theo, you’ll be sure to go home with one of the best strap-ons you can get today.
One of my favorite features is the hidden pockets on top and under the O-Ring meant to hold your bullet vibrators.
There’s also a fabric separating the dildos and bullets from your skin that can be opened to accommodate any “Strapless”/ Double dildos you might want to use as well!
The Tantus Silk dildos are simply some of the best pegging dildos for beginners and I suggest them to almost anyone starting out!
They come in 3 very gradual, untextured, and forgiving sizes. So they’re perfect whether you prefer small toys or if you want to work your way up to something larger. And to make things even easier on butt debutants, they are flexible and come in a shiny frictionless silicone finish.
Now if the person on the receiving end is an absolute pegging beginner, you might want something even more gradual and forgiving than the previous entry.
This is also technically the cheaper option as you will get way more toys for your money, especially if you’re buying all the sizes the Tantus Silk comes in.
This kit starts at 0.5 inches in girth ( as opposed to Silk’s 0.8 ) and ends at 1.2 ( which is a touch bigger than the medium Silk ). The She-ology dilators are also shorter and slightly curved as well, which is great news for the prostate! I mean it’s almost as if they were designed to be the perfect beginner’s pegging toys, even though they’re advertised as women’s toys.
The Quickshot Launch is a great affordable and easier to clean alternative to the Keon. Of course, because of the lower price tag, features have been stripped down to the bare essentials. Most of the interactive stuff is gone, so teledildonic features are gone, and you won’t be able to sync it to VR porn either.
The Quickshot Launch is just a sex machine for men and a pretty good one at that.
Its biggest advantage is that it uses Quickshots. Since they are bottomless, they are much easier to maintain and clean than the full-sized Fleshlights. But it does come at the cost of suction.
The universal smartphone mount found at the top of this automatic stroker is also a great addition for you porn lovers out there.
The Keon is the successor of the Fleshlight Launch, a collaboration between Kiiroo and Fleshlight that turned out to be the best fuck machine for men ever made.
Just like the Launch, you can still use it by itself, synchronize it with VR or 2D content, or pair it with a Kiiroo vibrator to feel the motions of your partner from any distance!
While its predecessor was meant to hold Fleshlights and do all the motions for you, the Keon comes with a dedicated sleeve instead. BUT while Kiiroo doesn’t advertise it, the Keon is still compatible with any of the classic Fleshlight sleeves! All you have to do is transfer your Fleshlight sleeves out of their shell and put them into the Kiiroo shell instead and you’re ready to go!
Use it alone, with a partner, or along with some interactive content. The options are really endless.
The Velvet Thrusters are the closest thing to handheld fuck machines you will ever find.
These thrusting dildos are rechargeable, made of silicone, and sport a pretty decent 125 strokes per minute with 2.5 inches of thrusting length. You can also adjust the speed of the strokes with 10 gradual increments and the shaft is flexible enough for extended and comfortable use.
The Thrusters also all come equipped with suction cups, making them completely hands-free as well if need be!
This little marvel of German engineering is not exactly a vibrator or a thrusting toy, it’s…. something in between.
Harnessing the technology of the shake weights, this toy will effectively pulse back and forth for you.
It has a nice range of functions going from nice & slow pulsations to very rapid almost vibration-like motions. All you need to do is be well lubricated, let go of the handle and let it go to town!
Of course, the Stronics offer a more subtle and nuanced experience than what the Velvet Thrusters have to offer. So if you want a toy to just jackhammer you like there’s no tomorrow, you might prefer the full-sized sex machines below.
I usually never push Chinese made, Amazon toys. But you can consider this sex machine one of the rare exceptions as it is one of the best affordable full-sized sex machines around!
You can expect about 240 strokes per minute and 2 to 6 inches in stroke length depending on your preferences. They also offer a ton of attachments ( CA ) as well!
As of now, there are two options to choose from:
The “New Designed” is the standard model, it comes with the classic wired controller and a cheaper price tag.
The “APP Controlled” comes with … well, app control! This allows you to control the machine with your phone or let someone else take over, no matter how far they are. Thanks to the app, you can also use & customize patterns as well. Plus, if you don’t feel like using your phone, they’ve thrown in a convenient little wireless controller to sweeten the deal!
Get your hands on the wired model here ( CA ) and the wireless version here ( CA ).
The Fancy: Shockspot
The Shockspot is simply the best sex machine available on the market today. They outperform and have more features than any other fuck machines.
The frame of the Shockspot is also one of the most versatile we’ve seen. It can hit pretty much any angle you can throw at it and you can also completely fold down the Shockspot for easy storage. This means it is not only easy to travel with but, once you’re done, you can also just stash it under the bed. No disassembly required.
These great sex machines can be controlled by a PC, a remote control or even with your partners Fleshlight with the V-Stroker attachment. They’re also now compatible with Chaturbate, one of the world-leading sex cam site. A little feature that should make a lot of performers happy!
While I’m aware that the power offered by saddle-style vibrators is not for everyone, the Tremor is still a major improvement in price and features over the now outdated Sybian.
The Tremor comes out of the box with 2 silicone attachments, one for external play and another for penetration. It is also possible to buy more attachments on their website and they’re also interchangeable with any Sybian or Motorbunny attachments, so you won’t run out of options.
Another great innovation over the Sybian is the removable silicone pad that covers the Tremor. This cover is completely sanitizable, so if you plan on using this sex machine on more than one person or you just want a machine that’s easy to clean, it doesn’t get much more hygienic than that.
The Cowgirl is another Sybian alternative, this time covered in beautiful vegan leather. It also has more features than any other straddle-style vibrator out there. It is also the most comfortable and visually appealing design available so far.
Just like the Tremor, it comes with two silicone attachments that are interchangeable between all the other competitor’s attachments. It also features adjustable vibrations and rotations that can be controlled via a wired controller. But this is where the similarities end.
For one, the Cowgirl is probably the only saddle that offers vibration patterns on top of regular constant vibrations. But most importantly, it can be App controlled from any distance. So it is officially the most powerful toy made for long-distance relationships!