Whether you’re a heterosexual man, a lesbian, or just someone who prefers simple and beautiful designs, chances are you’re not looking for a realistic dildo!
So if you’re turned off by folds and veins galore, you’ve landed in the right place folks! In this article, I will cover the best semi-realistic, unrealistic, and non-phallic dildos available today.
Plus, almost all of these one-way tickets to Smashville are harness compatible, so fans of pegging, strap-on lesbos, and trans men rejoice!
They’re also almost all safe to use for anal play. So as long as there is a base, you should be good to go.
If you’re looking for more non-realistic dildos, make sure to read our list of fantasy dildos as you’ll find a host of gorgeous toys inspired by mythical creatures & pop culture. So if that’s your kind of thing, you won’t want to miss it!
Otherwise, if you’re not looking for a dildo that doesn’t look like a penis, refer to our realistic dildos list where you’ll be bound to find what you’re looking for! And if you’re looking for truly large toys, you’ll probably enjoy reading our large sex toys list as well.
Also, make sure to see our guide on what lubes to use as well as how to clean your toys to avoid any complications.
With that being said, here’s our top 14 list of the best unrealistic dildos, not necessarily from worst to best, because everyone’s needs and budgets are different.
TL;DR
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Best affordable no-frills unrealistic dildos |
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Flexible & cheap non realistic dildos with suction cups |
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Most affordable glass non phallic dildos |
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Best dual-density glow-in-the-dark suction cup dildos |
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Best vibrating suction cup non realistic dildos |
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Best dual-density & semi-realistic suction cup dildos |
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Best pussy plug / wearable non-phallic dildo |
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Gorgeous & versatile butt/pussy plug dildo hybrid |
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Best cute & whimsical non phallic dildos |
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Biggest collection of quality unrealistic dildos |
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Beautiful transparent indie unrealistic dildos |
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Amazing posable semi-realistic triple-density suction dildos |
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Beautiful non-realistic dildos for size queens/kings with double-density option |
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Most gorgeous abstract indie dildos |
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Most unique non phallic dildo tailor-made for the female anatomy |
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Best high-end Swarovski encrusted glass dildos |
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Awesome stainless steel 2-in-one dildo |
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Best dual-density semi-realistic dildos |
Cheap Dildos
Funkit’s Nofrilldos
By now, you guys should know that we just love independent toymakers and Funkit is no exception.
This one-man operation makes gorgeous artful pieces as well as dirt cheap, quality dildos.
A rare thing coming from such a small company.
The aptly named Nofrilldos are exactly what the name suggests. They’re cheap as hell, simple, and have a nice glossy finish to them. So once wet, these toys are basically frictionless, which is a rare feature amongst budget dildos.
You can get them in 4 colors and in 3 different minimalist shapes. Two of them put more emphasis on the G-spot/Prostate and the other is a straight and subtly “textured” dildo.
Most of the Nofrilldos are rather small in terms of girth ( about 1.25″ diameter on most models ), which is probably how Funkit manages to keep the prices so low. But they also offer a more generously sized model called the “Invader” (1.75″ ) as well. Though you’ll have to spend a bit more to get your hands on this one.
Avant by Blush Novelties
These unique designs are all hand-poured layer by layer with premium body-safe silicone. In the Avant collection, you will find anything from abstract to semi-realistic designs
These affordable body-safe dildos are flexible, squishy and they all come with strong suction cups.
While it changes nothing about the toys themselves, I absolutely love the cultural references in the toy’s names. You can get the classic black, white and red “Sin city” dildo. Or maybe you prefer the funky & forever sexy “Purple Rain”. I truly believe that Prince would be honored to be immortalized as such a stylish purple dildo. I’m also big fans of their G-Spot and prostate champion; the “Pride” dildo!
My only real concern is that while most would be satisfied with the size offered here, people who enjoy larger toys might feel a bit left out.
Gläs Glass Dildos
The Gläs line is one of the most affordable collections of glass toys I’ve ever seen. And unlike other cheap brands like Pipedream’s Icicles, you won’t have to worry about dubious quality, paint chipping, and easy-to-break handles!
The main advantage of glass toys is that, on top of being little works of art, they are frictionless, easy to sanitize, and compatible with all lubes.
And don’t you worry, being made of Borosilicate glass ( like Pyrex ), these toys are pretty damned hard to break. If it wasn’t the case, they definitely wouldn’t be this popular!
Glass toys can also hold temperature pretty well, so they are perfect for temperature play. Just don’t put them in the freezer unless you want to end up with a frozen pole and tongue situation down there. To avoid any complications, we generally suggest running hot or cold water on the toy before play.
Just keep in mind that glass toys have less give than other materials, so go a size down if you don’t want any surprises.
And while I did poopoo Icicles ( U.K. / AUS ) earlier on, it is still a decent affordable option if you’re looking for more choices.
Just stay away from their colored models if you want to stay safe. It might also be your only decent cheap option if you’re outside of America.
Neo Elite Glow in the Dark Dildos
These toys are affordable dual-density, glow-in-the-dark dildos for all you raver kids at heart.
These dildos are not only great budget dual-density dildos but they’re also quite unique. Plus, they’re super easy to find in the dark!
They might also be the most affordable quality dual-density non realistic dildos you’ll find. So if you always liked the idea of dual-density toys but were bummed that they were all ultra-realistic and pricy, this is your chance!
They range from realistic shapes to completely abstract designs and everything else in between.
So it doesn’t matter how abstract you need your dildos to be.
Like with most old-school glow-in-the-dark toys, just let them soak in the light first for the best results when the lights are finally off.
Mid-Range Dildos
Blush’s Impressions
Great abstract vibrating suction cup dildos are like the unicorns of the dildo world…
…And that’s exactly how I would describe Blush’s Nude Impressions! Plus, with 5 very different models to pick from, there’s really something for everyone in this collection. From small and slim to long and thick!
They’re also rechargeable, 100% waterproof, and comes with 10 different vibrating modes
With Blush being the king of affordable & powerful rumbly vibes, the Nude Impressions vibrate like there’s no tomorrow!
Even if it seems too good to be true considering the price, these guys vibrate like high-end toys at least twice their price. And with most vibrating suction cup dildos being buzzy disappointments, this is definitely a godsend.
Avant Ergo by Blush
Following closely behind indie companies, big manufacturers all seem to have jumped on the dual-density bandwagon.
The Avant Ergo dildos ( previously called the Realnude ) is Blush’s attempt at making their own version of this popular silicone combo. And being one of our favorite affordable brands, our expectations were quite high.
Well, we’re happy to say that, as usual, they’ve delivered!
More on the Semi-Realistic side than completely abstract, they’ll appeal more to people who aren’t looking for veins and folds galore than for people who are trying to completely avoid any resemblance to a dick.
So how do their dual-density dildos compare to the competition?
Well, like most blends, they’re squishier than Tantus’s O2, and the firm core is one of the bendiest around.
Most importantly, decent suction cups come included with every model.
A feature that rarely makes an appearance in dual-density toys. We’d even go as far as saying that they’re the best suction cups you can find on any dual-density dildo. An impressive feat coming from such a budget option.
G squeeze Vaginal Plug by SquarePegToys
What if you’re a woman or AFAB and you really don’t want a dildo that reminds you of a dick? Hell, what if you want dildos that don’t look like dildos at all? Maybe you just really want a toy to squeeze on and fill you up while you go about your business, whatever that is?
Well, the G Squeeze Vaginal Plug might be the answer to all your problems as this is the best dildo for women looking not to look at a dick while getting off!
Shorter than most dildos, this pussy plug / wearable dildo was tailor-made for the female anatomy. Which is the kind of thing you didn’t know you wanted. Let me explain:
First and foremost, if you don’t know this already, tons of women/AFAB folks enjoy simply squeezing on a toy during clitoral stimulation and the silicone found on this toy is squishy as fuck! But the benefits don’t end there, my kinky friend.
Vaginal plugs can also be worn in public ( with a tight enough brief to avoid any accidents while squatting and jumping ) without having to deal with the common issue of most panty vibes being too noisy for certain situations. They’re so discreet no one will have to know about your naughty little secret! Hell, it could make most house tasks and errands that much more enjoyable!
Such toys are also great for sitting on, and rocking back and forth. They’re perfect for enhancing anal sex when worn vaginally, as well. Plus, nothing stops you from simply using it as a traditional dildo either!
What makes the G squeeze even more revolutionary than its rare competition is its unique shape.
It’s clear a lot of thought and user feedback went into the making of this toy as the G squeeze was clearly tailor-made for the vulva & vagina:
- It’s just the perfect length to fit most vaginas measuring pretty close to the average depth of the female anatomy when aroused ( 4.5 to 4.75 inches ).
- The ingenious T-Bar base sits comfortably between the labia and, depending on your anatomy, will rub against the underside of your clitoris in certain situations.
- The neck is just small enough to provide pleasurable sensations to the sensitive entrance of the vagina while still being comfortable.
- The bulbous lower part of the plug offers a great filling sensation while rubbing against the G-Spot.
- Finally, the scoop-shaped soft tip is perfect for some extra cervical/deep stimulation, without being too long and hard as to not feel like you are just being uncomfortably poked up there.
Speaking of ingenious shape, it can be folded in half for easier insertion ( which is definitely helpful on the larger models ).
Being reversible, depending on if you wear it forward or flip it 180 degrees, you will get completely different sensations, with one angle providing more of a focus on the g-spot while the other feels more filling.
Squarepegtoy’s G Squeeze also comes in plenty of sizes and colors!
So whether you’re a size queen or a total beginner, you will definitely find something you like. It goes from more than reasonable to full-on fisting here, so I’d be surprised if you can’t find your size!
It also helps that each color this super squishy silicone comes in is absolutely gorgeous. The unique shiny metallic shimmer ( a signature style for SquarePegToys ) found on these makes them not only great to squeeze on but also quite pleasing to look at!
Hole Punch Fluke
What if you really like the idea of a pussy plug / wearable dildo that you can lock into place and squeeze on while you play, but still want something that’ll do more traditional penetrations as well?
Well, the Fluke by Hole Punch is what I’d call a Pussy/Butt Plug dildo hybrid!
It’s less targeted at strictly vaginal play, so it’s a great butt plug while still being an awesome pussy plug. But the Fluke is also dildo-like enough for in-and-out penetrations thanks to its bulbous end.
Hell, its inflated top half will laser focus on all the sensitive bits at the entrance of your vagina or anus ( including prostates and G-spots! ) as you go back and forth.
Once you’re done with the stroking, you can just push it in and, thanks to its thin neck and larger base, it’ll lock right into place, ready to be squeezed on as you focus your attention elsewhere!
So it’s super versatile and awesome, especially for those who like all kinds of internal stimulation.
What’s more, I just love the gradients on these colorful toys.
It’s a type of silicone pour I just wish we saw more on sex toys as it’s incredibly appealing to me. And while I’m a huge marbled fan… this might take the cake ( literally and figuratively )!
Split Peaches
Split peaches is another favorite indie company of mine and now that you’re aware of it, it’ll probably become your one-stop-shop for minimalistic, cute or whimsical designs as well.
They have simple and colorful designs as well as quirky as-hell dildos like their ever-popular unicorn horns.
They’re one of the rare companies to offer sizes for the more petite as well as for the most hardened size queens. So really it doesn’t matter if you prefer your cute unicorn horns tiny or huge!
If you’d fancy something a little more rugged they’ve also got the popular “Rivetor” and “Screw you” dildos. They are beautiful metallic-looking silicone toys that look more like torture devices than pleasure objects.
Every single toy comes in many sizes, from beginner-friendly to very large and they also offer a ton of beautiful color choices as well! Plus, if you’re looking for dildos that don’t look like dildos, they have their fair share of interesting options as well!
Tantus Line
Tantus is a classic company with one of the largest collections of high-quality silicone toys.
While most of their toys are made of glossy frictionless silicone, they still have a few matte models as well.
All their vibrating options have removable vibrators that can be replaced with their great suction cup add-on. Another strong point is that almost all their toys are harness compatible as well!
They also offer a pretty big collection of large silicone dildos. Which is a rare thing coming from such a mainstream company. But Tantus always was special like that!
I would also like to give a special mention to the Flurry, Cush, and Duchess.
Their beautiful designs along with Tantus’s dual-density squishy O2 silicone make these toys some the best in their collection!
Funkit
Remember that dirt-cheap option at the beginning of the article?
Well, that’s just a small part of what Funkit does. If you’re ready to spend a bit more, you can get some pretty unique handcrafted toys from this impressive one-man operation.
Funkit’s signature toys almost all come in gorgeous transparent silicone with swirly opaque and colorful patterns on the inside.
Just like the Nofrilldos, the glossy finish barely has any drag to it and should slip right in without a hitch.
Most importantly, the transparency coupled with the slippery finish really bridges the gap between glass and silicone in a beautiful way.
So if you always loved the idea of glass toys, but you disliked the rigidness of it, Funkit toys are a great compromise.
Strap-On-Me Double Density Dildo
Strap-On-Me is one of those newer brands that is really starting to grow on me for all the work they’ve been doing for the lesbian and pegging community.
They make unbelievably sexy lingerie strap-on harnesses for femmes, great body-safe squirting dildos, and probably the greatest double-ended “strapless” dildos in the business! But despite the name, it seems like they want to be more than just a strap-on company… And I think they’re succeeding.
Their “Double Density Dildo” is a bit of a marketing mistake. Or maybe they’re just being modest as it really is a triple-density, posable dildo!
In this semi-realistic dildo, you have your usual dual-density cores, plus an extra posable one at the center. So unless my math teachers lied to me my whole life, I believe that’s 3 densities!
What’s more, when it comes to bendable dildos, this might be the best one at holding its shape during play. So once you find the perfect bend for your g-spot or prostate ( or lack of bend, if you like it that way! ) it’ll most likely stay like that until you’re done!
Do you know what’s better than a great dildo? A great dildo that offers 4 different sizes and 5 different colors!
You got realistic colors, abstract colors, and sizes for almost anyone’s needs. You need a small anal dildo? done! You’re a size queen/king just aching for a dildo that does it all? Done, done!
In a world of amazing dildos sadly only targetting one aesthetic, size, or shape preference, this is truly refreshing.
Now, I know this is a bit childish but just I love the heart-shaped suction cups, alright?
I’m just cute like that. Plus, they work great! So there’s that.
Pris Toys’ Basilisk & Sentinel
Pris Toys are just starting to make waves in the world of dildos that don’t look like dildos and I’ve noticed!
What’s more, they’re making some of the best affordable large non-realistic dildos yet!
They come in gorgeous marbled colors, and while they aren’t necessarily long, the girth is the real showstopper here for size queens and kings alike!
So unless you really need a toy to bottom you out with some length to spare, they’re definitely worth a look.
They make 2 different thick dildos in both standard squishy silicone and dual-density.
The Shapes are pretty non-phallic so they’re perfect for those who just aren’t into dicks. And though they don’t have any significant G/P-spot curves, they’re so thick they’ll hit them anyway.
The Dual-density options are very similar to Vixskin ( except for the realistic look of course! ), which is definitely impressive for the price.
Of course, Vixskin is still king here, but for thick dual-density dildos that don’t look like penises, that’s pretty much you’re only option at this price point and quality!
If 2.5 inches in diameter is too much for you but you still like it thick, they also make the 2-inch Nova!
It’s pretty much part of that family as it matches them in looks and comes in beautiful dual-density and marbled silicone as well. It’s just a touch more forgiving!
High-End Dildos
Uberrime Dildos
That’s right, another indie company! What can I say, I’m a huge sucker for sex toy artisans.
You see, Uberimme is one of those rare independent companies that broke through the Etsy world and landed spots in some of the most popular stores of today.
Something that is quite understandable since they make some of the most beautiful marbled silicone designs we’ve ever seen.
These pieces of fuckable art come in a variety of abstract and fantasy designs.
While most of them are uniquely textured, they’re not that overwhelming since their silicone has a fair amount of squish to it.
I’m also big fans their glow-in-the-dark toys like their re-imagination of the classic Jellyfish dildo and, of course, the Dr. Manhattan.
Plus, as a part-time toy reviewer and full-time nerd, I really appreciate the comic book reference.
Uberrime also makes a great dual-density dildo named the Splendid.
While not entirely unrealistic in shape, the interesting colors it comes in sure balances it out.
Splendid’s silicone has a consistency that lies between the harder O2 by Tantus and the softer Vixskin by Vixen creations, so it’s a great middle-ground for people who are torn between the two.
Luzarte Jollet
This whimsical & fascinating dildo that doesn’t look like a dildo has garnered quite the cult following in recent years. A popularity that isn’t solely based on the superficial either ( though it sure helps )!
You see, the Luzarte Jollet was made specifically with the female anatomy in mind.
Starting from the tip, there’s a large bump meant to stimulate the G-spot followed by two smaller protrusions for the vaginal entrance.
The remaining part of the Jollet has a vibrating bullet inserted into its base. You can leave it as-is for some internal vibrations but it can also be curved around your pubic bone for some additional clitoral stimulation!
While Thrusting with the Jollet is entirely possible, using subtle rocking motions from your clit to your G-spot will work wonders as well.
While the included vibrator is pretty decent, replace it with a Tango ( or one of its alternatives ) and you’re in for a treat!
Plus, if you’re an untameable power queen, Luzarte also makes a Jollet with a Magic Wand Attachment as well. You know we’ve got your back!
Crystal Delights’ Glass Dildos
If you like your glam with a side of artistry, you will love Crystal Delights.
Handmade in very durable borosilicate glass, almost every unique piece comes adorned with a genuine Swarovski crystal.
They make gorgeous dildos ( and butt plugs ) in all sorts of different shapes and sizes.
A lot of what has been said about the previous cheaper and mass-produced Icicles is also true about these toys. But just keep in mind that, like with any other Swarovski toys, you should avoid boiling them during sanitization since it could dislodge the crystal from its base.
Their classic models are simple and beautiful and all come adorned with a genuine Swarovski Crystal.
If you’re feeling adventurous, their twist dildo will provide a sensation like no other.
Literally meant to screw yourself, this twisted glass dildo might seem intimidating at first. But once you get past its looks, it is actually known to feel amazing on G-Spots and prostates alike. This all thanks to its many pronounced ridges. Just remember that this dildo is meant for twisting, and not thrusting!
Le Wand Arch
The Arch is the most dildo-shaped stainless steel toy I’ve seen yet!
Most of them seem to be meant for intense G-spot stim or anal like what the pioneers of surgical stainless steel toys ( Njoy ) and their many copycats usually tend to make.
Sure, Njoy makes a very dildo-like toy but it’s absolutely gigantic! While this is great news for size kings and queens, it’s not so great for the more modest of us.
Le Wand’s Arch, on the other hand, is between 1 inch to 1.45 inches in diameter, which is like most “regular” bio dicks! Though it is still worth keeping in mind that these won’t squish like a human or a silicone dildo, so it is still slightly more filling than it looks.
One end has a more traditional & smaller dildo shape, while the other is more bulbous and filling.
The larger end sort of reminds me of the ever-popular, and often-copied shape of the Mona and Ina from Lelo.
It’s bulbous enough to hug every wall of your anatomy without being too overwhelming at the same time. So it is perfect for some G-spot stimulation or to finish up once well warmed up by the other end!
The only real downside here is that the Arch is pretty heavy so it can get a little tiresome to hold over long sessions.
But on the other hand, the weight does add something that’s a little hard to explain while in use, as it presses against your insides without you having to do anything ( Pro tip: flip on your belly and it’ll just weigh down on your P/G-spot! Yum! ).
Its heft sort of expresses power in a slightly scary yet hot way. Hard to express in words but those in the know will understand!
Mustang by Vixen Creations
O how we love Vixen Creations’ Vixskin dual-density silicone toys.
They all feature a firm inner core and the squishiest outer core we’ve ever seen. So they’re comfortable to use and feel as natural as a toy can get.
The Mustang is, sadly, not entirely unrealistic.
The mold, being pretty realistic, is somehow balanced out by the bright funky colors it comes in. And from my experience, a nice unnatural color often goes a long way in making folks switch to the other side.
It also comes with pretty decent suction cups, making this one of my favorite semi-unrealistic dildo.
If you don’t mind realistic shapes when coupled with flashy colors, the posable pack and play dildos from NYTC are also great options. It also helps that they’re some of the best g-spotting and prostate dildos around.
UPDATE: Since I first wrote this entry, Vixen Creations has released even more colorful versions of their classic toys. So if you don’t mind the realistic shapes, there are even more models to pick from!
