Fetishes aren't always totally harmless. Depending on how you indulge, they can also be very dehumanizing and damaging to others.
We have to communicate what we want one way or another, and sometimes the best way to do that is to, in the words of the great Dan Savage, USE YOUR WORDS.
In the way we treat the disabled, we seem to be pretty on par in consideration of their needs. But when it comes to sex, their needs often go unnoticed.
Maybe it’s time to make dating without the aid of apps the new retro-cool thing. Everything else from the 90s has been back for ages, so why not dating?