Hoe hoe hoe, tis the season!
(If a dad joke becomes a bit slutty, is it a daddy joke?)
Happy holidays, everyone who partakes. While you’re no doubt absolutely inundated with regular gift guides, what about gifts for those freaks on your list? Your situationship that’s hot and heavy, or your dom who knows all your right spots?
Or what if you’re a freak picking out your perfect gift on demand from someone with money and a kink for spending it? (Whoever that is, please hook me up.)
My goal here is to help you creatively find gifts for those on your list who are too often overlooked by polite society. We all deserve a little somethin’ somethin’ after all!
Contents
For the classy demure types
Sex jewelry
For some people, the best sex toys are the ones that don’t look immediately like a toy. This person is a mature adult: they drink wine from the correct glass, wear a diamond tennis bracelet to brunch, and meal prep while they listen to their favorite philosophers.
Wear your desire with the Vesper vibrating necklace, or the Unbound Flick vibrating ring. These look like sleek pieces of jewelry and completely pass under the radar without a second glance.
They’re sophisticated, and the perfect toy for someone who prefers being subtle but not boring.
A wearable panty vibrator
Just because you’re classy and demure doesn’t mean you’re not secretly a freak as well.
For those moments when you want to indulge in your nasty side, We-Vibe has the Moxie Plus–a wearable panty vibe that connects to your phone or the provided remote.
We-Vibe is known for creating some truly powerful toys like the Tango, and the Moxie Plus is no exception!
A waterproof sex blanket
Those who know, know. Sex is one of those things that, if you’re doing a good job, you’re probably making a bit of a mess.
Whether it be body fluids like squirt or jizz, or the bottle of expensive lube you’ve spilled and is now soaking into your feather duvet… an waterproof throw blanket is an excellent addition to what is likely already a beautifully decorated bedroom! You classy demure you.
For the long-distance lovers
Teledildonic toys
Lovense has quickly become one of my favorite toy companies lately, especially after trying the Lovense Gravity this year. It’s an approachable thrusting toy that totally blew me away!
Lovense is offering two products that can be paired together, the Solace Pro penis masturbator and the Mission 2 vibrating dildo.
The Solace Pro looks like one hell of a machine. Powered by AI, it’s VR compatible as well so even if you’re without a partner to play with, you can watch your favorite VR porn and be fully immersed. The Mission 2 is equally a powerhouse of a toy, and the vibrations become more powerful the deeper it thrusts into your body.
Combined together, they can turn a simple virtual sex session into a totally exhilarating experience!
For the Strap Enthusiast
The newest iteration of the beloved Joque harness by SpareParts
You know it, you likely love it: the Joque harness. It’s one of the most recommended harnesses on the market, and has been for a few years.
Not only is it extremely easy to put on, requiring little to no adjustment from one wear to another, but it also looks fine as hell.
It’s so comfortable that you can absolutely wear under your clothes while on a date, totally preventing that awkward moment where you have to stop making out in order to go put on your harness.
Brand new toys to go with it
If you have a strap but are missing a good toy to pair it with, let me offer you three options.
For those looking for a realistic dick, the Slim Vixskin might be the perfect one for you as it’s a slimmer version of the adored Vixskin Mustang.
If you’re looking for a non-realistic toy, try the Fun Factory Bouncer dildo, a toy with shake weights inside which offer more of an oomph to your thrusts and bounces!
If you’re looking for an impressive strap gadget, check out the Naked Addiction Demon Noir. It’s not just a dildo, it’s a whole dang thrusting dildo that’s devilishly good. You can essentially let it do all the work for you!
Protect your pelvis!
Also, don’t forget to pick up one of the amazing bumpers and grinders from BananaPants.
These silicone bases have saved my pelvis from many bruises, and have added so much extra stimulation it’s hard to imagine using a strap without one.
For people looking for help with penetration
Some Ohnut Penetration Rings
Whether it’s due to an overly endowed partner, or an extremely sensitive cervix, or sexual health conditions like vaginismus, some people can struggle with penetration.
For people who want to try out penetration aids, try out the Ohnut penetration buffers in any of the delightful color palettes they offer.
You place your partner’s dick inside the rings, and add/remove as many as necessary to allow you to bounce happily, without fear of cervical annihilation. (Sounds dramatic but it really fucking hurts when it happens!)
Lube!
Lube can either feel like a luxury few can afford, or a medical necessity. What if it could be both? A medical necessity that feels comfortable and luxurious?
While there are incredibly helpful lists online from fellow sex writers like Dangerous Lily or Phallophile’s safe extensive lube list ( Or our own 😉. ), my simple recommendation is the Good Clean Love water based lube.
A pillowy soft toy
If you’re a regular reader here at Tabooless, you know that sex toys don’t have to be penetration only: you’ve got grinding toys, external vibrators, and airpulse toys galore to choose from.
But, if you did want a super soft dildo that was soft enough to play around with, I’ve heard only good things from the Twisty by SelfDelve.
It is exceptionally soft, with no seams, and made from a comfortably slick silicone. A slim dildo doesn’t have to be boring! Just remember the golden rule: without a flared base, this isn’t anal-safe.
For the hot and horny geek in your life
Erotic comics!
I love comics, graphic novels, and sequential art of all types.
But there are so many incredible erotic comics out there it can be hard to choose, so I’ve published a few comic guides on here to help us out.
Otherwise, off the top of my head check out Fuckin’ Ace (erotic comic about an ace guy!), Long Haul (trans scifi smugglers, holy shit), or even pick them up a monthly subscription to Filthy Figments.
Slime lube
Lube, twice on this list? I know but this one is unique in a way few others aren’t. Slime Lube has hit the market, and it’s definitely caught my attention.
There’s a chance your hot horny geek is also really into slime, either erotically or simply as a fidget toy. So presenting them with water-based green fantasy goop, that’s fuckable? Fantastic.
Warning: if your bits are sensitive or prone to infections, keep the lube for non-genital areas.
Gender-Affirming Gifts for the Trans and Nonbinary Cuties in Your Life
Order them some custom-made binders, gaffs, and/or swimwear!
Clothing can be such a bittersweet experience for people who don’t fall into the cis and binary experience.
While finding the perfect piece can literally feel revolutionary, having properly fitting gender-affirming undergarments can make or break that experience. Comfortable and safe gender gear like binders or gaffs is vital for a lot of us!
Put an order in with a company like Origami Customs where they’ll send you beautiful, high-quality, custom-made gender-affirming gear. How good would you feel if you had a custom-made binder? A custom-made gaff?
Swimwear that fits your body, and feels great? And you’re not participating in fast fashion? Even better.
Gifts the Entire Polycule can Enjoy
A sexy group board game like Cards Against Humanity or R-Rated Codenames
Sometimes the stereotype is true–polyamorous people tend to like board games.
It might be the collaborative appeal, or the possibility of friendly competition but spice it up a bit with something like Cards Against Humanity or the adult edition of Codename.
Condoms and dental dams
Even if you’re testing every new partner, you can still find use for a good pack of condoms or dental dams. Even if we know our partners and our partners’ partners… sex can still involve some risk, so it’s best to prepare!
These condoms by One are apparently the thinnest ones technologically possible. While they’re not latex free, I’ve read people say that they’re supposedly usable with electro-stim which can be thrilling.
Fellow Tabooless writer Anna Franco wrote a well-researched article testing out all sorts of sexy dental dam alternatives, you can check it out here!
A Motorbunny
This is truly a toy the whole polycule can enjoy.
We’ve reviewed the Motorbunny before, so my feelings about it are pretty clear: it’s a powerful, rideable good time that only gets better with more people involved.
You can control it with an app, you can play games with it, and there’s an attachment out there for everyone (including the recently released collab with Bad Dragon for all the monster fuckers out there).
If you want to share with the whole team, consider buying the silicone mat cover from the competition for easier cleanup and safer play!