If the thought of licking chocolate off of your lover’s skin sounds hot, you wouldn’t be alone. Though we don’t know exactly how common it is, sitophilia, or food play, is considered one of the most socially acceptable paraphilias. It’s so ubiquitous and normalised that there’s debate as to whether it even counts as “sexual deviance”.
Music and movies are full of food-based references to sex. The cake scene in The Matrix, Kelis’ Milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard, and the classic whipped cream bikini in Varsity Blues are some of the more notorious examples.
This association goes beyond the artistic and actually seeps into our communication. We talk about popping cherries, eating tacos and getting cream pied, perhaps with some forbidden fruit. We even text food emojis to each other when we want to make a tongue-in-cheek reference to sex. Eggplant, peach, chilli pepper, anyone?
So, grab your knife and fork. Let’s dig into the world of food play.
Contents
Wet and Messy Sploshing
Food play is often referred to as a type of wet and messy kink play, and it certainly often is! Particularly if you’ve had to uphold high standards of cleanliness and order in your life, indulging in being wet and messy can be a huge turn on.
This kind of food play has been given the extremely British term, sploshing, and a successful kink magazine called Splosh! featured content dedicated to this for a quarter of a century.
Pouring liquids on body parts, getting all oily and greasy, drizzling each other with all sorts of sauces and sitting on whatever your lover wants to taste; this is about sensation, aesthetics and psychology. Let loose and be wild. Get all slippery and listen to all the feverish sploshing between your filthy bodies.
A major category within this kink is cake sitting. This phenomenon seems to have become really popular in recent years, but it’s been around since at least 2003, and probably a lot longer than that. There are plenty of content creators that just sit on cakes, and that’s their livelihood. There’s a lot to love about cake sitting; the sounds, the squish, the sweetness, the look, the taste.
But remember: just because it’s popular, doesn’t mean it’s the only way!
Body Platters
Wouldn’t your favourite food taste even better if it were eaten off of a sexy body? It probably would!
From Nyotaimori (eating sushi off a naked lady) to body shots (taking shots of alcohol from someone’s body, often boobs), we love eating and drinking off of a sexy body.
Usually whoever is acting as the platter remains still and quiet, enjoying being objectified. This overlaps with human furniture kinks which, again, invites a sub/dom type power play. How you define the boundaries of your play is up to you and whoever else is involved, but I can tell you that trying to resist the urge to talk or make sounds can help one to refocus on sensuality and can even intensify pleasure.
One type of this kind of play that celebrates body hair, which feels subversive from a North American lens, is drinking wakame sake. It’s when you drink sake from the triangular pubic space created from closed thighs. Wakame is seaweed, and the reason it’s called that is that the pubic hair floats in the drink like seaweed. And we all know seaweed is super good for you, so slurp it up!
Feederism
Not into the whole wet and messy thing? If power dynamics are more your thing, you might really get into feeding or being fed.
Feeding someone can be about lots of things; giving sensual pleasure, nurturing with nutrition, trust, control, greed or fat fetishism. And probably a few other motivations as well! Just as sub/dom relationships can play out in a multitude of ways, so can a feeder/eater relationship.
Be careful though: eating disorders cause all sorts of physicaland emotional distress, so consider you and your partner(s)’s limits carefully when feeding.
Mukbangs, videos and livestreams where someone is eating on camera, usually in large quantities, have received a lot of attention since they started in the 2010s. Part of the appeal is in helping people combat the isolation of eating alone. But that’s not all they’ve become. Over time, streams became more and more outrageous, often promoting unhealthy eating patterns and perceptions, adding fuel to the growing global obesity problem. They have now been banned in China, and the Philippines may soon follow suit.
Edibles
Ever seen edible underwear? What about edible body paint? These are just a couple of examples in the world of edible sex toys and accessories.
You can also buy flavoured condoms and lube! These may not be culinary masterpieces, but they can add flavour in safer ways than just raiding the fridge.
You know what else is edible and potentially sex-enhancing? Edibles! From pot brownies to mushroom chocolates, these treats vary widely in availability and selection depending on how illegal they are in your country. They can help you relax and tune in to your sensuality, but make sure you know what you’re doing before you give it a try!
These are powerful substances that need to be used respectfully and with full, informed consent.
Fucking Food
…and then there’s just flat-out fucking food. The least subtle form of food play.
Remember that viral grapefruit blowjob from the mid 2010s? If you never forgot, this might be where you find your fantasy. While you have to be super careful about putting food on or in your genitals, people still do it, and if you’re careful, it can be a great experience.
Ancient Greco-Romans allegedly had bread dildos, and who hasn’t thought about using a banana, cucumber or courgette as one? If this excites you, you might be interested in food-shaped silicone toys like from companies like SelfDelve & Hole Punch Toys.
It’s not really recommended to use food internally, other than your mouth, but if you do, a condom cover is a great idea.
Whatever you do – do not put anything sugary up your holes. Particularly refined sugar. That is a fast-track ticket to UTI town. Not very sexy. Some people have enjoyed using coconut oil as lube. This also comes with a warning: oil is going to eat through your condoms. So, if you want to use condoms, avoid using cooking oil, butter, or anything else oily. And out of all those oils only extra virgin coconut oil is safe to use vaginally!
Why do we love it?
Licking and sucking; fingers and tongues. Eating is all about putting stuff in your mouth, sometimes with your fingers. It involves the same body parts as sex, and both acts can be deliciously sensual if done mindfully. Both feel good, and obviously, it was only a matter of time before we combined them, if indeed they were ever separate to begin with.
When we enjoy food, our pleasure can often look like sexual pleasure, especially if we really savour it. Closing our eyes and tasting every morsel can be every bit as orgasmic as feeling our lover’s touch.
In addition to all of these natural associations, we’ve also had a lifetime of watching, listening to or reading about food play in one way or another. We’ve probably all seen actors eating chocolate or strawberries in sensuous ways. Or even comedic scenes like Jay with his bags of soup in Big Mouth or the Pie in well… American Pie. But we’ve all been exposed to this pairing again and again, and eventually, we learn to associate them. Positively Pavlovian.
It’s biochemical
We see food and sex combined in media for good reason! Our sex and food drives use the same neural pathways, same neurotransmitters and even the same hormones. No wonder we get those wires crossed.
In the brain, we have a system called the mesolimbic pathway.
This system is a major dopamine pathway that gets involved in motivation and pleasure. Good food and good sex both stimulate this pathway, sending happy chemicals through our brains to make us feel good. Stimulating this pathway by both sex and food at the same time can lead to even greater activation – and more pleasure.
The connection goes beyond our brains as well. Ghrelin is most known as the hunger hormone, because it’s released by the stomach to stimulate appetite, but some research suggests it may impact sexual functioning as well. Similarly, the neuropeptide kisspeptin is known for reproduction, but research shows it may impact appetite as well. We are also gathering evidence that sex hormones are impacted by our gut microbiome, but more research is needed.
Clean-up
Depending on how messy you want to get, it’s probably worth taking time to plan the clean-up for your food play before you get started.
Kitchens tend to have tiled and non-porous surfaces that are easy to clean up, and that’s where the food is anyways, so it’s probably a good place to do this. A bathroom is also a good contender, particularly the shower, for easy clean-up (though if you’re putting any of these edible delights in your mouth, you’ll want to make sure the bathroom is very clean and that you won’t be accidentally ingesting chemicals or waste).
Drop sheets, kiddie pools and towels or wipes are good to have around. You don’t want to get that chocolate body paint all over your clean sheets. If you want the ambiance of the living room, but don’t want to replace your carpets, creating a mess-safe space is crucial. Any fabrics that you’re going to throw in the washing machine should probably be free from actual clumps of food before you wash them, and don’t overload your washer.
There are also plenty of waterproof/splashproof sex sheets to be found if you’re looking for a dedicated solution you can use in bed!
So delicious
It doesn’t have to be over-the-top or even performative to enjoy food and sexuality together. Remember: some of the sexiest associations we have with food involve simply connecting to sensual pleasure, uninhibited. Savour every lick, bite, suck, and swallow.
Eat that gooey lasagna while your beloved eats between your thighs. Feeling both forms of pleasure at once, increases your overall satisfaction.
And if, in the midst of your ecstasy, you decide to open your eyes and mime what you’d like to do to your lover’s body using your food as a prop, all the better. Suck off that popsicle and let it drip down your chin. Slurp up the meat of that fruit and let the juice gleam all over your face. Dig your fingers into that pudding and let your lover suck them clean.
Be delicious.