During my 10 years working as a sex toy reviewer and high-class sex store clerk before that, I’ve always made it a point to exclusively push body-safe sex toys. While this usually means “things MEANT to be used as sex toys”, today we’ll be looking into something I’ve been getting a lot of e-mails and DMs about.
“I’m in X situation… So what inconspicuous household items can I use as Y?”.
This made me realize that a lot of folks aren’t in a position to either buy or even simply have sex toys around.
Which truly breaks my heart, being a huge advocate of tool-assisted hand-cranked pleasure and all. I mean, you don’t get the name Jim the Dildo Dealer by accident!
This is especially true now that many folks have actually moved back in with their parents or with nosy roommates due to the current difficult economic situation.
That’s without counting the plenty of horny folks that aren’t of age yet to be allowed inside sex stores or those with very strict parents who would raise hell if they found sex toys hidden in their bedroom.
So while my answer to “what can I use as a dildo?” is usually a resounding “a dildo”, this is a little unfair to those in such difficult situations.
So if you’re wondering about what to use for a dildo, Vibrator, BDSM tools, and more, you might very well be in the right place my little kinky Macguyver!
While pleasure is my main concern with this job, safety is just as important in my book! That’s exactly why I’ve been pushing body-safe sex toys for about 10 years now, which was actually before body-safe toys became as common as today.
And when it comes to improvised sex toys, safety is even more important than ever. So here are a few tips for you to be able to keep playing without any issues putting a stop to the fun.
Household Sex Toys & Condoms
Though I’m presenting the best compromises possible, some of these improvised household sex toys are not all made of body-safe materials and/or are simply just not made with body safety in mind.
While external sex toys can just be used over your underwear, some internal toys suggested here might be a bit riskier to deal with! So to avoid unsafe & porous objects from ruining your bits, condoms are mandatory with some of these homemade sex toys!
If you’re too broke or embarrassed to buy them, condoms can be found for free in most schools from high school nurse offices to almost anywhere in colleges & universities. Otherwise, most planned parenthoods also offer free condoms ( Who knew? It’s not all about abortion with these guys! ).
If you REALLY can’t be caught with condoms, if you don’t have a latex allergy, I’d say get yourself a box of latex gloves.
They’re not as durable as condoms and come unlubrified, but you can definitely just double them up and add your own lube.
Just don’t buy the powdered variety and I’d also avoid nitrile gloves as they don’t do too well in “wet situations” and are even more fragile than the latex variety.
A very important note on homemade anal toys
Anal toys absolutely need a stopper as the butt tends to suck things into it and once they’ve fully gone inside, there’s no retrieving them without the help of a doctor ( and even surgery )!
So unless there’s a very generous handle or stopper-like bit to your toy, I would strongly recommend against anal play with these household items that vibrate and the various things to use as dildos on this list.
If you can’t go without butt play, just make sure to NEVER let go of your toys. Still, do this at your own risk. You’ve been warned, so my conscience is clean!
Things to Use as a Vibrator
The usual suspect: Electric Toothbrushes
Look at any other article on household objects that vibrate, and you’d think electric toothbrushes are the best way to make a vibrator out of a household object. To be fair there was a time when this was pretty much one of the only options around.
The Problem: Sadly, I’m here to tell you electric toothbrushes are completely overrated.
For one, they are very buzzy/tingly as opposed to vibrating satisfyingly. They are also not very easy to use hygienically with mouth bacteria cross-contamination being a big risk here. Plus any accidental toothpaste residue is bound to turn your hoohaa into a burning mess!
Still, there are much better options around today, so read on if you’re curious about what can be used as a vibrator that’s actually gonna get your rocks off!
The Better Alternatives
Electric Exfoliators/Face Massagers
Time to blow your mind ( and subsequently, your load! ).
Foreo, the brand known to pioneer those facial vibration tools, and Lelo, the luxury sex toy brand are one and the same!
That’s right! With almost identical features, builds, and yet completely different uses, Lelo and Foreo are basically the NSFW and SFW vibrator versions from the same exact makers. So if you’re looking for non-sexual things to use as a vibrator, it doesn’t get much better than this.
I’m not exactly sure what a face vibrator is supposed to achieve ( and I have a girlfriend to womansplain all this to me ), but with their body-safe silicone builds, waterproof designs, and multiple vibration strengths, it doesn’t take a genius to migrate said “face tool” down the valleys of your most erotic areas!
Though if you have money to spare they do make larger more powerful models ( Luna ) as well as smaller even more affordable models ( Luna Play ) also.
But if you stick to the Mini range (which is the best deal/power balance), they do get more powerful the later versions you pick. So if you want the best of the best, anything from version 3 and up should do the trick!
Alternatively, there is plenty of “knock-off” brands making much cheaper models that are still worth a look.
While they might not hold as much of a charge and aren’t as powerful, they still offer similar features and come in interesting shapes.
I’m especially a fan of this Nagracoola model which is crazy affordable and you can easily use it as a dildo… That vibrates! I’d still use a condom with it since the metal part will be harder to clean post-use. But it’s still decent enough to skip the condoms if you are thorough with your cleanings!
Plus being able to use the brush and non-brush ends can offer a nice variety of sensations!
As a person who spends his days slouched in the Tabooless office and evenings working out like a madman to compensate for it, I’m essentially sore on a permanent basis.
This means the vibrating wands in my house are used more for actual massages than sexual stuff ( I know, it’s a very shocking fact coming from me especially ).
The problem is that those wands are now fully synonymous with masturbation and everyone will know what you’re up to if you own one.
Yet one day, for my particularly tough knots I upgraded my massage ball with a vibrating massage ball instead… and I think you guys know where I’m going with this.
Vibrating massage balls have multiple vibration strengths, vibrate powerfully, and are usually interestingly textured!
So there’s no denying they’d make for fun homemade vibrators, especially considering the power!
They also make “Peanut versions” that can conform nicely to the curves of your anatomy. These are usually less aggressively textured as well, so if you need something a little smoother, you might very well prefer these.
Now, these aren’t made of silicone so I would still use them over your underwear/pants as opposed to directly against your fleshy bits. Though external play is less prone to causing problems in general, so follow your heart!
But otherwise, if you need power and a nice variety of speeds, these are hard to beat when it comes to things that vibrate!
You’d be impressed by the innovating that goes behind the horny-as-hell youth.
I mean, we’ve all been there and let’s just say that there are some trade secrets to being this horny… And when it comes to things that vibrate satisfyingly, the word sure gets around! And turns out traditional toy stores can make for a treasure trove of improvised sex toys, which is both awesome and a little worrisome.
But for those yearning to know how to make a homemade vibrator… nothing quite beats the great Hexbug Nano as the best makeshift bullet vibrator in the business!
Let’s not kid ourselves, this toy is just a vibrator repackaged for playtime.
It’s basically a vibrating motor slapped inside a techy bug shell that uses the power of the vibrations to allow the toy to move all over the place. But if you hold on to it, you’re the one who’s gonna move all over the place, if you know what I mean!
Heck, back when I used to be but a mere sex shop clerk, one of our tests to see the power of bullet vibes was to look at how alive they became once laid down on a table & turned on. And these little Nano fuckers sure come alive!
In use, while there’s only one strong-ish speed, it still can offer a nice variety of sensations.
The back of the Hexbug Nano is made of slick plastic, for a more traditional bullet vibe experience, but the little reverberating legs also offer another novel sensation for those willing to explore.
If you want even more power, their newer Nano Flash models are meant to go twice as “fast” and by that you know they mean the vibrations are twice as strong!
So yes, you will lose all the extra features of the above solutions, but these are probably the best way to make your own vibrator on a budget, so they definitely deserve a mention!
Alright, I lied. I said I would strictly suggest household items… But since your insides are precious and pretty easy to disturb, I can’t bring myself to not suggest some actual sex toys made specifically for body-safe play.
But hear me out! This great brand makes cute-as-hell vibes that look nothing like vibrators! They just look like cute charms that would blend right in with your collection of random shelf items.
And obviously, when it comes to things to use as a vibrator, nothing quite beats an actual vibrator!
They make anything from vibrating dildos, grinding vibrators, and vibrating butt plugs!
Here are some of the highlights for some good old stealthy & cute as hell masturbation. While they also sell other toys, those can be a little more obvious in their purpose so they might not work as well for this scenario.
The Trinity vibrating dildo looks like a figurine of some obscure Diglett Pokemon evolution with the vibration options hidden nicely under the base.
Zeep and Starsi are awesome for grinding on and again look nothing like vibrators! Just kawaii little things that wouldn’t draw any attention if found in a drawer.
Princette on the other hand is a versatile vibrator for external play that also doubles as a great vibrating butt plug while looking nothing like one!
It also helps that these vibes are all whisper-quiet and fully waterproof.
So if you need to get the job done in silence or from the comfort of your bath or shower, where intimacy is assured, these will definitely be fit for the job!
All in all, Step from Cute Little Fuckers really figured out how to make a vibrator that looks nothing like what they’re meant for. And now you get to reap the benefits!
Sadly, even though they’re at everyone’s hand reach today, cellphone vibrations are just too weak… but if you’re a gamer, you’ve got another thing coming ( Spoiler alert: You )!
All it takes is one big in-game explosion to make your controller come to life and start giving you ideas. I mean, almost anyone with a pulse who’s done their fair share of gaming at least had the thought of using these controllers as vibrators. These things are powerful and rumbly, just like any good self-respecting vibrator, after all!
The real problem here is having to find some infinite ammo cheat code, and somehow tape down the trigger buttons before even being able to go to town on yourself.
So if you’re wondering how to make a vibrator harnessing all this potential, you’re definitely in the right place!
They now make an app for a customizable and easy-to-control experience!
To use this app, you will need a computer, an Xbox One X/S, Xbox 360, or PS4 controller, and preferably, some condoms to keep your controller clean! Sadly, these bad boys have all sorts of seams to them that aren’t body fluid-friendly, so this is an important step, especially if you’re planning on using those like vibrating dildos.
Then just go on Steam and buy/download iVibrate Ultimate Edition ( you’ll need to be logged in to get passed the age gate ) and you’re ready to go!
It’s got all the functions you’d want in a sex toy like gradual strength controls, patterns, and so on! Plus, if you’re feeling extra frisky, you can even hook up multiple controllers to it and go crazy! Is it getting warm here or is it just me?
For Switch users, I’m sorry but the controllers aren’t supported. Plus these, like most smartphones, are honestly just too weak to get off with. If you don’t believe me, just use the “find my controller” function to find out.
You know the old saying: “Anything is a dildo if you’re brave enough”. And turns out, if you speak to most women about their first “sex toys”, you’ll discover that for most folks who were initially looking at what to use for a dildo had their gazes stop at their hairbrushes. Just a quick trip online and you’ll see they are almost universally loved as beginner makeshift dildos. Especially the ones with gel grips! I mean, look at those things, it’s almost too obvious!
The problem: The nice and squishy gel material on these brushes is sadly very porous in nature… and not condom friendly either!
Meaning that no matter how much you clean them, residue will remain stuck in the pores of the handles, making these household sex toys quite unhygienic.
I can already hear your collective brains winding up: “No problem! I’ll just slap a condom on it!” you think, but it’s not that simple. You see, latex condoms tend to break down when subjected to oils made to soften plastics like the ones found in those gel handles.
I definitely understand the pull to sit on these squishy bad boys, believe me! They’re one of the only squishy household dildo alternatives on this list after all.
Thankfully, polyurethane condoms are resistant to oils and should protect your precious bits beautifully from those inviting brush handles. Now, these condoms aren’t cheap, especially if you like to ride all day every day with a hunger that never stops. But it sure beats an unhealthy love canal!
If that’s too rich for your blood, or you’d rather just have a condom-free option read on for some better options for those looking at what to use for a dildo!
The Better Alternatives
Squishy Silicone Phallic Food Replicas
I know, I know it’s the second time on this list I suggest an actual sex toy instead of things to use as a dildo… I just can’t help myself.
But I have good news for you…
While they look like your standard phallic food items or cute kitchen deco, they’re fully safe to fuck, with no condoms required!
Food for thought ( see what I did there? ), toys made out of food aren’t so great as they require condoms and eventually go bad. And food waste is bad, m’kay? ( Unless you eat it after, then more power to you, you dirty-dirty girl/boy/x! ).
These toys can simply be left out in the open as quirky desk items. Heck, get yourself a fake fruit basket and hide one of them amongst the plastic apples!
Plus being made of silicone, they’re non-porous and easy to clean & fully sanitize. They’re actual body-safe sex toys after all!
While Selfdelve specializes in uncanny realism, Hole Punch goes the quirky and cute route.
And while Selfdelve toys may look realistic and quite rigid, their dildos are actually super squishy & bendy!
Of course, they can be a bit expensive compared to the other options, but they’re definitely the best options on this list when it comes to things to use as dildos/butt plugs… because that’s exactly what they are.
I know these brands might be a little expensive to some, but I’ve found a pretty good alternative Hole Punch Toys’ Popsicle dildo: Love to Love’s iScream!
It’s not as detailed as it only comes in solid colors, but it’s essentially the same concept, a real dildo disguised to look like something else for some nice and discreet play!
Plus they’re only about 40 bucks!
Bonus: Another great stealthy option from Selfdelve that isn’t food-inspired is their great cactus dildo.
It looks just like a regular piece of quirky desk deco, but once you pop it out of its pot ( or not, if you prefer that end and the free-standing nature of it all ), it’s an adorable dildo that you can easily hide in plain sight!
Who knew that when Midnight Scoop tried to make the most ergonomic ice cream scoop, they’d end up accidentally making one of the best stainless steel G-spot dildos in the business?
Hell, just looking at that handle makes me blush a little. Though, 10 years deep in my sex toy career, my mind is fully filthy now.
Actual stainless steel sex toys are extremely popular for their ultra-hygienic material, durability, and potential for temperature play.
You just have to look at brands like the ever-popular Njoyto see the similarities here with the Midnight Scoop.
Plus, stainless steel is one of those rare materials that are both non-porous and extremely easy to fully sanitize, so you won’t need to use condoms with this option as well!
Most importantly, the shape & rigidity of the midnight scoop is perfect for g-spot play.
G-spot toys are all about their shape and rigid bodies that allow you to apply leverage and pressure against your G-spot after all. Plus the subtle texture on the end of the handle is definitely a nice bonus.
You see these types of textures on actual g-spot toys all the time for a reason. Plus, if you don’t like it rubbing against your g-spot ( it is also slightly pointy when used in that direction ), you can just flip it around for a more comfortable and forgiving fit!
So if you ever pondered to yourself: What can I use as a dildo? Now you know that the answer is: “I scream for this ice cream scoop!”.
Now if you’re not into curvy g-spot dildos, you could also look at tapered/rounded-off stainless steel french rolling pins without measurement etchings, as they come in all sorts of girths. Though they can be a touch boring with their shapes being as standard as they get.
This one is a little hilarious to me because I first noticed this while being a good boyfriend accompanying my partner at Sephora… Then I saw it: The most sex toy-looking thing I’ve ever seen.
This was so striking to me that I had to jump on Reddit/Discord and see if it was a thing. And turns out, these guys are extremely popular for all the wrong reasons, just as I expected!
Hair curling wands are not only extremely phallic, but they also come with all sorts of attachments of different sizes and shapes, each one more sexual than the other!
I mean, you’ve got small ones, big ones, ones that look like straight-up anal beads/textured vaginal toys. It’s all too obvious really and I definitely can see the appeal.
There’s definitely an upside to buying one item and having a variety of shapes to play with in return. Hell, I kinda wish they made more sex toys this way. It kinda reminds me of a Velvet Thruster Prime actually!
While ceramic is a relatively safe material, these are not usually seamless so condoms are definitely required here.
And of course, I know it’s obvious, but you’d be surprised by human stupidity: Never use them while plugged in! And make sure they’re fully cooled before doing anything with them too. Since most attachments are quite long, you could easily discard the handle altogether anyway.
Just to be safe, you could even have a separate cheap model just for sex, and just get a fancy one for your hair!