interview with a tantric sex worker

An Interview with Mayaji, A Modern Sexual Shaman

In the lower east side of New York City resides a fascinating woman who has massive quantities of paintings, a wall full of numerous diplomas and certifications, and the largest collection of singing bowls I’d ever seen outside of a store.

Among her many skills and trades is tantric sex work and she was kind enough to speak with me about her experiences in that role.


What were you doing before you did sex work?

I’m an artist, so I was working from one art series to another, from exhibition to exhibition.

She told me about an exhibition she did where she had put on some nice, red lipstick and then went around the whole room, leaving a line of kisses across the walls. A few weeks later another artist did the same thing, but rather than stopping at a line, she kissed the entire walls, covering them in kisses.

Ideas are in the ether. Artists are not the generators of ideas. Artists are radio transmitters, and they receive transmissions. And sometimes an artist who doesn’t have an original idea but is a strong artist receives your transmission and they are able to actualize it.

I think art is like an Olympic race; hand over hand. One generation runs with a torch, and another generation goes, ‘That’s my torch’ and you go on. The history of art is the history of ideas.


How did you become a sexual shaman?

In ’98 I was in a tantric workshop, with Dr. Deborah Anapol ( One of the founders of the polyamory movement! ) in Tulum, Mexico.

My sister was Dr Anapol’s right-hand woman and in order to gender balance the workshop another woman was needed. There were enough couples, but there were men who didn’t have partners.

A gorgeous, clothing-optional 5-star resort on the Mayan Riviera near cenotes where, in the time before the Spanish. 

I said yes, I never liked wearing clothes anyway. I was good in the workshop. The rules were I had to set up every exercise and be present. I participated in Dr. Anapol’s erotically flavored tantric pujas. I speak Spanish and even a little Mayan, so the pull was strong.

In ’99 I visited where my sister was working, ostensibly a tantric temple, but frankly, it was a house. While waiting for her next client, we created her upcoming workshop: the name of her workshop was Sweat Your Prayers. Carolina was an amazing dancer, a temple dancer. “Let all your dancing be a dance in the temple!”

“Do the next session with me. If you do the next session with me, you’ll make $400. Don’t you need the money?” I replied, “Ok I’ll do the session. What do I wear?” She gave me a transparent pink chiffon, ostrich-feather-trimmed babydoll dress with matching thong panties. A pair of pink, satin feather-trimmed mules with a French heel. “Put on some makeup.” The client appeared, 90 years old with crepey skin and liver-spotted hands that trembled.

Everyone does sex work differently. My sister always had a sort of sexy-Rexy routine. Anyways, she was acting with this 90-year-old client, very sexy-Rexy…at a certain point, I was on one side of the table, his hand on my heart and my hand on his heart. I peeled off all my clothes, because naked is more powerful than lingerie. He was busy diddling my sister with is fingers and he said ‘You’re a good little whore’ and she was like ‘Yes, I’m a good little whore’.

I was shocked, but I made $400.


So how did these first experiences finally translate into a full-fledged career?

In 2001, I had 3 exhibitions in Europe. I spent more than I had and by September, I was 5 months’ rent behind. Additionally, I owed everybody money.

Then 9/11 happened and one of the artists I worked for was 2 blocks from the twin towers and his windows blew out — no work. Another artist I worked with decided to stay in Naples for a few months. No work. The other artist went to see his family in Chicago. They were the three people I worked for. All of a sudden, no work AND 5 months’ rent worth of debt, and I owed money to everyone. $5000 worth of debt.

My sister was leaving America, she said, “Answer my phone and tell them you’re my sister, pick out a name.” Tantric massage, full body orgasm, and there you are. Within a month I paid off my debt, and had $5000 wrapped in a rubber band in a baggie in my purse — I didn’t know what to do with it. $300 session, 1-hour session, 1-hour prep, 1 hour clean up.

I had been living on fumes. I started to go out to dinner, take friends out to dinner…lobster dinners. In the winter, I flew somewhere warm. I studied all kinds of weird shit that I liked, curanderismo, past life regression therapy, ayurvedic nutrition, reiki, chiromancy, the tarot, and mediumship… whatever I wanted, I did it.


What do you offer/teach in your sessions?

I can teach a man, if he allows me to be his guide.

I can show them how to touch, how to breathe, how to hold their energy, how to orgasm without ejaculation — that takes a certain kind of man to do that. How to ride a wave of excitement, how to check your woman and check-in, you don’t just grab her, you ask “is it ok if I kiss you? May I kiss you?” And if she says no, that’s ok, and just because you kiss doesn’t mean you’re gonna go further.

I like when people come to me and they have an enormous problem, and I can intuit it.

She told me about clients she had worked with and how she used sex magic to help them unlock their ability to support their goals energetically. For more information on sex magic and how you can use it to bring good things into your life, read the article I wrote about it here.

It’s clear that she is absolutely passionate about her work. This isn’t just about a temporary good time. She’s using a huge body of knowledge drawn from Ayurvedic medicine, Buddhist philosophy, and shamanic wisdom to uplift her clients and help them evolve into better human beings.

I give somebody total attention. Aromatherapy, incense, coconut oil, warmed, hot stones;… everything is immaculate.

So many people rarely get positive attention, nor do they get naked hugs. In a session I’m quiet and I’m a talented hypnotist …I hypnotize them. Not to bark like a dog, but to slow the fuck down, and to feel what it’s like to receive.


What services are off the table?

I do not offer oral sex or full service ( receiving penetrative sex ).

I hate it when people touch me unless I like their touch and when a new client calls me up, I do not know if I’ll like their touch.


What is your typical clientele?

Men, usually, though I am interested in expanding into working with trans and non-binary clients.

I do not like alpha males. People don’t come to me because they’re so together. They come to me because they have an itch they can’t scratch.

I have joked that I like the dead and the dying. I like people who are tragic. The more miserable a person is, the better I can make them feel.


What’s your advice for men who want to improve their sex life?

You want to get a woman to fuck you? This is the recipe:

You approach them from the crown chakra down.

First thing: you get into their head. Figure out how they think. Show that you’re insightful.

Next thing: create an atmosphere where they laugh, genuinely.

Next thing: create an atmosphere where they feel safe… At that point, the panties melt off. You don’t have to ask for sex. You don’t have to ask for a blow job. Nothing, you don’t have to ask for anything, but you have to go through this process and it might not happen on the first date. You might have to work into it.


Do all your clients behave like obedient students?

Not everybody’s ready for what I have. And I try to let go of forcing someone or teaching them.


Do you have any specialties?

One of the things I’m skilled in sex work is I’m very good at strap-on play. I’m very good because I feel like I have a dick and I have balls the size of oranges. And the reason I fuck so well is that I’ve been fucked well.


Any tips on anal play with men?

You can’t get into a man until he’s in surrender.

Surrender, which sounds passive, is active because you have to be in trust. So I can’t fuck a man up the ass until I feel that ‘ahhh’…especially if he’s a lawyer, because a lawyer’s job is to fuck you up the ass. And to keep the universe in balance, they need to get fucked up the ass. Even if they don’t know it!

If any lawyer sees me and they don’t know they need to get fucked, by the time it’s the 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th session, they love getting fucked up the ass.

Everybody has their skill set!


What’s the best way to get someone to relax?

Part of my sessions used to be that I would give them a bath. And it wasn’t just a bath, it was essentially a love bath, which is honey, milk, rose water, rose petals, lavender, salt, Epsom salt, and baking soda. It’s a process and you’re pouring it over their chakras and you can feel it.

If you take a bath with your beloved and you pour water from his root, slowly up his heart from a pitcher and then you go down his shoulder, he will feel it. And then you do the other side, and he will feel it. And if you start that process with a cold pitcher, a pitcher of relatively cold milk, not icy. He’s in a hot bath, sprinkled with rose petals, you make a pitcher of cold milk, honey, vanilla, and lavender, and you sprinkle his body with baking soda, and the salt is in the water. When you pour the cold water, it’s like, “Oh oh!” And you keep going, and wherever the baking soda is it feels cool, and you keep doing that many times. Stimulating a major meridian, which is energizing.

And then you take a washcloth and you put lavender and eucalyptus on it and let them smell…and then you wash them gently all over….not to get them hard, just you’re washing them with care…you just do it in slo-mo. Then you introduce the muladhara bandha….and then you dry them off like they’re your favorite child. Hold them, let them feel that you’re holding them, and walk them to the massage table.

By the time they come out, they’re in another state.


Do you ever work with women?

Sometimes I work with women but I don’t like it…to get a man off is very easy…women, some women take up to 2 hours to cum but what they really want is for you to do this on their clit…[mimes rhythmic tapping] and you’re gonna show them patience that you like doing this…for 20 minutes….you’re going to give ultimate attention.


What about couples?

I’ve seen couples, not my favorite thing to do because if I see a couple, it’s usually ‘the man wants to get off on seeing his wife done by a woman’—and the wife doesn’t really do it….or the wife has a secret desire to be with a woman but she’s with a man. It’s like too many complicated things going on.

Though she rarely works with couples, it is clear she has some special skills with this demographic. Many couples struggle with conception and energy work can sometimes help. She told me how she had used visualization practices and energy work to help couples conceive and even gave me a taste of what that experience looks like. I am not trying to conceive, but I could see myself working with her toward that goal.


Do you do kink play?

I like to call it shadow work, or dark tantra.

If a guy doesn’t have a hard-on, I have cock rings and shoelaces. I know how to deal with it. If they want to get smacked around, I have no problem. If they want to get flogged, I have no problem. I don’t like blood sports but if they want me to drip wax on them, or call them a piece of shit, or pull their hair or smack their face — no problem.

People, all of us, have quirks and kinks inside of us and if we don’t let that kink come out, it festers like a geyser and then shoots out and gets everyone dirty. So it’s better if you have your kink and you say it.

Part of me being a good sex worker is that I’ve seen so much shit in my life. I’ve seen the dark sides of people’s shadows, and it’s very hard to shock me.

The more time I spent with her, the more there was to learn and discover. Yes, she is a shaman of sexuality, but she also regularly provides sound baths at events, is a certified Thai and Hot Stone Masseuse, and works on a variety of artistic projects.

Now in her 60s, Mayaji is still running with that torch, uplifting those in need. She can be reached through her website: