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Whether you’re a heterosexual man, a lesbian, or just someone who prefers simple and beautiful designs, chances are you’re not looking for a realistic dildo!

So if you’re turned off by folds and veins galore, you’ve landed in the right place folks! In this article, we will cover the best semi-realistic, unrealistic and abstract dildos available today. 

Plus, almost all of these one-way tickets to Smashville are Harness Compatible, so fans of pegging, strap-on lesbos, and trans men rejoice!

They’re also almost all safe to use for anal play. So as long as there is a base, you should be good to go.

Otherwise, if you’re not looking for an unrealistic dildo, refer to our realistic dildos list where you’re bound to find what you’re looking for! And if you’re looking for truly large toys, you’re probably better off reading our large sex toys list instead. 


Also, make sure to see our guide on what lubes to use as well as how to clean your toys to avoid any complications.


With that being said, here’s our top 13 list of the best unrealistic dildos, not necessarily from worst to best, because everyone’s needs and budgets are different.

Cheap Dildos

Avant by Blush Novelties

These unique designs are all hand poured layer by layer with premium body-safe silicone. In the avant collection, you will find anything from abstract to semi-realistic designs

These affordable body-safe dildos are flexible, squishy and they all come with strong suction cups.

While it changes nothing about the toys themselves, I absolutely love the cultural references in the toy’s names. You can get the classic black, white and red “Sin city” dildo. Or maybe you prefer the funky & forever sexy “Purple Rain”. We truly believe that Prince would be honored to be immortalized as such a stylish purple dildo. I’m also big fans of their G-Spot and prostate champion; the “Pride” dildo!

My only real concern is that while most would be satisfied with the sizse offered here, people who enjoy larger toys might feel a bit left out.

Conclusion
The Avant line is Affordable, stylish, and most importantly, every model comes with a pretty good suction cup attached.

Though if you’re looking for bigger toys, you might feel a little underwhelmed. Otherwise, this is a solid little collection that shouldn’t be ignored.

Material8
Features7.5
Sensation8
Pros
Beautiful hand-poured designs
Squishy & bendable
Strong suction cups
Easy to clean
Sanitizable
Cons
Material still has a bit of drag
but it's definitely less noticeable than the Luxe collection
7.7
Cheapest Places to Buy

 

Icicles by Pipedream

Image result for icicles no 8

The Icicles line is the most affordable and largest collection of glass toys I’ve ever seen.

The main advantage of glass toys is that, on top of being little works of art, they are frictionless, easy to sanitize and compatible with all lubes.

And don’t you worry, being made of Borosilicate glass ( often known as Pyrex ), these toys are pretty damned hard to break. If it wasn’t the case, they definitely wouldn’t be this popular!

Just keep in mind that glass toys have less give than other materials, so go a size down if you don’t want any surprises.

Glass toys can also hold temperature pretty well, so they are perfect for temperature play. Just don’t put them in the freezer unless you want to end up with a frozen pole and tongue situation down there. To avoid any complications, we generally suggest running hot or cold water on the toy before play.

For those looking for strap-on compatible glass toys, the Icicles no.5, 28, 53, 61, 62, and 63  are all good choices.

Conclusion
The only real downside to these toys is that no glass dildo ever came with a suction cup. Also, if you’re not into rigid toys, these are obviously not for you.

But other than that, these beautiful, hygienic & frictionless toys are well worth trying!

Material8
Features7
Sensation8
Pros
Affordable glass toys
Basically frictionless
Compatible with silicone lube
Easy to clean
Sanitizable
Cons
Not for people who dislike rigid toys
Can be broken if dropped hard enough
7.5

 

Blush’s Nude Impressions

best unrealistic dildo

Finding a good dildo with a suction cup that is both body-safe and affordable is like trying to find a dragqueen at a Trump rally.

What’s even harder is finding an unrealistic dildo that does all of the above and that vibrates as well.

Well, the Blush’s Nude Impressions are here to change that.

On top of being very affordable ( a thing we’ve come to expect from Blush ) for the many features they hold, they’re 100% waterproof and have 10 different vibrating modes. The strength of the vibrations isn’t phenomenal but it isn’t weak either. So these hands-free sex toys should satisfy most people, though powerqueens and kings might have to look elsewhere for their rumbles.

All these toys come in abstract and unconventional shapes and even if that’s not your thing, they’re still one hell of a bargain. 

Quick tip: If you’re having trouble charging your toy, be sure that you push the plug all the way in since it’s really not obvious how far the plug should go.

Conclusion
Affordable, vibrating, waterproof and rechargeable suction cup dildos. I mean, do we have to say anything more?

Material7.5
Vibration8
Features9
Sensation8
Pros
Good suction cups
Waterproof
Rechargeable
Easy to clean
Sanitizable
Cons
Material has a bit of drag to it
Available shapes are a little strange
8
Cheapest Places to Buy

 


Mid-Range Dildos

Blush’s Realnude

best unrealistic dildo

Following closely behind indie companies, big manufacturers seem to have all jumped on the dual-density bandwagon. Realnude is Blush’s attempt at making their own version of this popular silicone combo.

Being one of my favorite affordable sex toy manufacturers, our expectations were high. And we’re happy to say that, as usual, they delivered. 

More Semi-Realistic than completely abstract, they come in one skin tone as well as having pink and blue options for most of their models. 

So how does their Dual Density Silicone compare to the competition?

Well, like most blends, they’re squishier than Tantus’s O2, and the firm inner core is one of the bendiest around.

But most importantly, suction cups come included with every model.

A feature that rarely makes an appearance in Dual-density toys, with only a few Vixskin toys having passable suction cups. We’d even go as far as saying that they’re the best suction cups you can find on Dual Density silicone toys PERIOD. An impressive feat coming from such a budget option!

Conclusion
Affordable, semi-realistic, dual-density silicone toys with powerful suction cups. I mean, what more can you ask for?

Even if you were planning on spending buckets of cash on the best dildo you can find, it’s hard to let the Realnudes pass. And at that price, you might just as well get both.

Material8.5
Features8.5
Sensation8.5
Pros
Dual-Density ( Squishy yet stiff )
Nice variety of choices and colors
Good suction cups
Easy to clean
Sanitizable
Cons
Not all that unrealistic
8.5
Cheapest Places to Buy

 

Funkit

best unrealistic dildo

By now, you guys should know that we just love independent toymakers and Funkit is no exception.

This one-man operation makes gorgeous artful pieces as well as dirt cheap, quality dildos.

A rare thing coming from such a small company.

The aptly named Nofrilldos are exactly what the name suggests. They’re cheap as hell, small and simple with a nice glossy finish.  You can get them in many colors and in three different minimalist shapes. 

best unrealistic dildoIf you’re ready to spend a bit more, their signature toys almost all come in gorgeous transparent silicone, with opaque and colorful patterns on the inside. Just like the Nofrilldos, the glossy finish barely has any drag and should slip right in without a hitch. The transparency coupled with the slippery finish really bridges the gap between glass and silicone in a beautiful way. 

So if you always loved the idea of glass toys, but you disliked the rigidness of it, Funkit toys are a great alternative.

Conclusion
Beautiful and handmade, Funkit has an unrealistic dildo for the broke and the fancy. So whether you’re only looking for a sweet no-frills option or a gorgeous transparent piece, they’ve got you covered.
Material8.5
Features8
Sensation8.5
Pros
Beautiful hand-crafted designs
Almost frictionless
Nice variety of choices and colors
Easy to clean
Sanitizable
Cons
Can't think of any
8.4

 

Split Peaches

Large sex toys

Split peaches is another favorite indie company of mine and now that you’re aware of it, it’ll probably become your one-stop-shop for minimalistic, cute or whimsical designs as well.

They have simple and colorful designs as well as quirky as hell dildos like their ever-popular unicorn horns.

They’re one of the rare companies to offer sizes for the more petite as well as for the most hardened size queens. So really it doesn’t matter if you prefer your cute unicorn horns tiny or huge!

If you’d fancy something a little more rugged they’ve also got the popular “Rivetor” and “Screw you” dildos. They are beautiful metallic-looking silicone toys that look more like torture devices than pleasure objects. 

Every single toy comes in many sizes, from beginner-friendly to very large and they also offer a ton of beautiful color choices as well!

Conclusion
Split Peaches has something for everyone… unless you’re into crazy realistic dildos that is. And if that’s what you’re looking for, there are tons of options out there for you to pick from anyway!

They aim to fill a gap ( wink, wink ) in an untapped market and this is what makes them so interesting, unique, and, most of all, worthy of this list!

Just note that while it’s always better to shop directly from their site, SheVibe sometimes carry some cool discontinued colors as well.

Material8.5
Features8.5
Sensation8.5
Pros
Sizes go from small to huge
Tons of whimsical designs
Nice variety of choices and colors
Easy to clean
Sanitizable
Cons
Can't think of any
8.5
Cheapest Places to Buy

 

Tantus Line

Tantus is a classic company with one of the largest collection of high-quality silicone toys.

While most of their toys are made of glossy frictionless silicone, they still have a few matte models as well.

All their vibrating options have removable vibrators that can be replaced with their great suction cup add-on. Another strong point is that almost all their toys are harness compatible as well!

They also offer a pretty big collection of large silicone dildos. Which is a rare thing coming from such a mainstream company. But Tantus always was special like that!

We would also like to give a special mention to the Flurry, Cush, and Duchess.

Their beautiful designs along with Tantus’s dual-density squishy O2 silicone make these toys some the best in their collection!

Conclusion
Tantus holds the biggest, most diverse silicone dildo collection one can find today. There truly is something for everybody here.

Their non-realistic dual-density silicone O2 toys are also a nice option in a world where dual-density toys seem only reserved for realistic dildos.

Material9
Features8.5
Sensation8.5
Pros
One of the biggest collection available
A variety of models are bullet vibe and suction cup compatible
Frictionless & Matte models avaiblable
The O2 collection is made of dual-density silicone
Nice variety of colors
Easy to clean
Sanitizable
Cons
Can't think of any
8.7
Cheapest Places to Buy

 

Fun Factory Dildos

non-phallic dildo

Fun Factory is an established German company with tons of innovative designs. But their quest to push the envelope hasn’t stopped them from using their expertise to make some good old fashioned dildos as well.

Most of their Minimalistic dildos are on the firmer side and come with a matte finish.

It’s something that can make the toys a little draggy, but with a bit of extra water lube, you shouldn’t really feel the difference. 

They offer a variety of standard silicone dildos with comprehensive sizes starting from their small Amor to their larger Boss.

Each one of these toys come with a pretty unique flat base that doubles as a suction cup. Like a lot of silicone suction cups, they can be a bit hit or miss, but it is still a welcome addition.

If you’re feeling a little more adventurous, their Bouncer dildo comes with Ben-Wa-like balls that move inside the shaft as you move it, for some extra sensation.

Fun Factory also makes a nice range of rechargeable Vibrating dildos that are completely waterproof.

Their cheaper models are should be perfect for most people, but if you’d rather have stronger, rumblier toys, you should definitely take a look at their G5 dildos.

And if you’re looking for some real innovative, you should definitely check out their Stronic Line as well.

Conclusion
Offering minimalistic and attractive designs, Fun Factory has a dildo for almost every need. So whether you’re looking for a suction cup, a vibrating dildo, or something completely out of the ordinary, they’ve got you covered!

Of course, if you’d prefer squishier and slicker toys, you might feel a little left out. But for anyone else, their collection is well worth checking out.

Material8.5
Vibration8.5
Features8.5
Sensation8.5
Pros
Large variety of choices
Vibrating models are pretty good
Suction cups
Colors are extremely vivid
Easy to clean
Sanitizable
Cons
Can be rigid for some
Material has a bit of drag
8.5

 


High-End Dildos

BS Atelier Dildos

Unrealistic Dildo

When it comes to great indie companies, BS Atelier ( or BS is Nice ) is another dildo maker that shouldn’t be skipped.

Their toys are all hand-made in Spain by a feminist and queer-friendly team.

So there’s no guilt associated with supporting this small business, something that we can’t say about some of the larger manufacturers.

Every hand-poured dildos are unique, redefining the meaning of “Art Lover” one toy at a time. So if you ever wanted to have sex with a Pollock painting, this is as close as you’ll get!

Their toys come in a limited amount of shapes with their Alex being the smallest and Max the biggest.
And for people who are looking for a more intense curve, their G-Spot dildos come in 3 different sizes as well.

But no matter which model you go for, most of these toys are rigid and curvy enough to provide some pretty good G-spot stimulation as well. 

As mentioned above, they have beautiful Pollock-like designs, but they also carry interesting layered dildos reminiscent of the cheap Avant dildos by Blush. These layered toys also come in a variety of different LGBTQ flag colors, so they make great gifts for your favorite queermos.

Conclusion
If you’re looking for the perfect dildo for an art lover or you’re all about that g-spot/prostate stimulation, this is absolutely a great place to look.

But if you’re into real squishy and/or textured toys, these might not do it for you. 

Material8.5
Features8
Sensation9
Pros
Double as great G-spot/Prostate toys
Beautiful designs
Easy to clean
Sanitizable
Cons
Can be rigid for some
8.5
Cheapest Places to Buy

 

Luxe by Calexotics

Hands free toys

The Luxe Touch-Sensitive dildos are probably the only high-end vibrating suction cup dildos available today.

While it seems like every other type of toy has gotten the high-end treatment, suction cup dildos have been completely left behind.

The Semi-Realistic Luxe aims to fix that and does it beautifully with a pretty unique feature to boot. Its rechargeable, waterproof and comes with 10 different vibrating modes and innovative touch-sensitive sensors.

You see, the deeper you stroke, the stronger the vibrations get.

Instead of being just a simple gimmick, it actually makes this semi-realistic dildo even more hands-free whether it’s stuck on a wall or in a strap-on.

Sadly, the luxe comes in only one rather universal size, but to soften the blow, you do get a nice range of colors to pick from.

Conclusion
Vibrating suction cup dildos are like the unicorns of the sex toy world.

Throw in some pretty unique features and some pretty decent vibrations and you’ve got a semi-realistic dildo in a league of its own.

Material8.5
Vibrations8
Features9
Sensation9
Pros
Vibrates stronger as you stroke
Good suction cup
Easy to clean
Sanitizable
Cons
Only one size
Might be too rigid for some
8.7
Cheapest Places to Buy

 

Uberrime Dildos

abstract dildos

That’s right, another indie company! What can I say, I’m a huge sucker for sex toy artisans.

You see, Uberimme is one of those rare independent companies that broke through the Etsy world and landed spots in some of the most popular stores of today.

Something that is quite understandable since they make some of the most beautiful marbled silicone designs we’ve ever seen.

These pieces of fuckable art come in a variety of abstract and fantasy designs.

While most of them are uniquely textured, they’re not that overwhelming since their silicone has a fair amount of squish to it.

We also big fans their glow-in-the-dark toys like their re-imagination of the classic Jellyfish dildo and the Dr. Manhattan. Plus, as a part-time toy reviewer and full-time nerd, I really appreciate the comic book reference. 

Uberrime also makes a great dual-density dildo named the Splendid.

While not entirely unrealistic in shape, the interesting colors it comes in sure balances it out.

Splendid’s silicone has a consistency that lies between the harder O2 by Tantus and the softer Vixskin by Vixen creations, so it’s a great middle ground for people who are torn between the two.

Conclusion
If you love marbled silicone toys as much as we do, you’re probably already repeatedly smashing the buy button by now.

But for those who are still reading this, these toys are perfect for people who love beautiful dildos with just the right amount of squish and texture.

We suggest browsing at both SheVibe and Peepshow Toys since their selection of premade toys are entirely different.  Of course, if you’d rather have a custom made dildo by Uberrime, you should head to their Etsy Store instead.

Material9
Features8.5
Sensation9
Pros
Beautiful hand-poured marbled designs
Splendid models are Dual-Density
Nice variety of textures
Easy to clean
Sanitizable
Cons
Can't think of any
8.9

 

Crystal Delights

best unrealistic dildo

If you like your glam with a side of artistry, you will love Crystal Delights.

Handmade in very durable borosilicate glass, almost every unique piece comes adorned with a genuine Swarovski crystal.

They make gorgeous dildos ( and butt plugs ) in all sorts of different shapes and sizes.

A lot of what has been said about the previous cheaper and mass-produced Icicles is also true about these toys. But just keep in mind that, like with any other Swarovski toys, you should avoid boiling them during sanitization since it could dislodge the crystal from its base.

Their classic models are simple and beautiful and all come adorned with a genuine Swarovski Crystal. 

If you’re feeling adventurous, their twist dildo will provide a sensation like no other.

Literally meant to screw yourself, this twisted glass dildo might seem intimidating at first. But once you get past its looks, it is actually known to feel amazing on G-Spots and prostates alike. This all thanks to its many pronounced ridges.  Just remember that this dildo is meant for twisting, and not thrusting!

Conclusion
Honestly, this is as classy as an unrealistic dildos get. So if you want every single part of you to look like a million bucks, you know what to do!

Material9
Features8.5
Sensation9
Pros
Comes adorned with real Swarovski crystals
Basically frictionless
Compatible with silicone lube
Easy to clean
Sanitizable
Cons
Not for people who dislike rigid toys
Can be broken if dropped hard enough
Shouldn't be boiled
8.8

 

Raquel and Mustang by Vixen Creations

O how we love Vixen Creations’ Vixskin dual-density silicone toys.

They all feature a firm inner core and the squishiest outer core we’ve ever seen. So they’re comfortable to use and feel as natural as a toy can get.

If only they made more unrealistic models in that more-than-perfect material. Still, they left us with two absolutely great options to satisfy most of our needs: The smaller Raquel and the thicker Mustang.

Now while Raquel looks nothing like a penis the Mustang is, sadly, not entirely unrealistic.

The mold, being pretty realistic, is somehow balanced out by the bright funky colors it comes in. And from my experience, a nice unnatural color often goes a long way in making folks switch to the other side.

Both models also come with pretty decent suction cups, making these two some of our favorite unrealistic dildos.

If you don’t mind realistic shapes when coupled with flashy colors, the posable pack and play dildos from NYTC are also great options. It also helps that they’re some of the best g-spotting and prostate dildos around.

best unrealistic dildo

Update: Since we first wrote this entry, Vixen Creations has released even more colorful versions of their classic toys.

Conclusion
Our only complaint is that there aren’t enough abstract VixSkin dildos.

Unrealistic dual-density toys are so rare to find and I know a lot of folks who would be very happy to have more options available to them in that department.

Material9.5
Features8.5
Sensation9.5
Pros
Dual-Density ( Squishy yet stiff )
Gorgeous marbled colors
Some models come with suction cups
Easy to clean
Sanitizable
Cons
Not all entirely abstract
We just want more
9.3