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Whether you’re a heterosexual man, a lesbian, or just someone who prefers simple and beautiful designs, chances are you’re not looking for a realistic dildo!
So if you’re turned off by folds and veins galore, you’ve landed in the right place folks! In this article, we will cover the best semi-realistic, unrealistic and abstract dildos available today.
Plus, almost all of these one-way tickets to Smashville are Harness Compatible, so fans of pegging, strap-on lesbos, and trans men rejoice!
They’re also almost all safe to use for anal play. So as long as there is a base, you should be good to go.
Otherwise, if you’re not looking for an unrealistic dildo, refer to our realistic dildos list where you’re bound to find what you’re looking for! And if you’re looking for truly large toys, you’re probably better off reading our large sex toys list instead.
With that being said, here’s our top 13 list of the best unrealistic dildos, not necessarily from worst to best, because everyone’s needs and budgets are different.
- 1 Cheap Dildos
- 2 Mid-Range Dildos
- 3 High-End Dildos
Avant by Blush Novelties
These unique designs are all hand poured layer by layer with premium body-safe silicone. In the avant collection, you will find anything from abstract to semi-realistic designs
These affordable body-safe dildos are flexible, squishy and they all come with strong suction cups.
While it changes nothing about the toys themselves, I absolutely love the cultural references in the toy’s names. You can get the classic black, white and red “Sin city” dildo. Or maybe you prefer the funky & forever sexy “Purple Rain”. We truly believe that Prince would be honored to be immortalized as such a stylish purple dildo. I’m also big fans of their G-Spot and prostate champion; the “Pride” dildo!
My only real concern is that while most would be satisfied with the sizse offered here, people who enjoy larger toys might feel a bit left out.
Though if you’re looking for bigger toys, you might feel a little underwhelmed. Otherwise, this is a solid little collection that shouldn’t be ignored.
Icicles by Pipedream
The Icicles line is the most affordable and largest collection of glass toys I’ve ever seen.
The main advantage of glass toys is that, on top of being little works of art, they are frictionless, easy to sanitize and compatible with all lubes.
And don’t you worry, being made of Borosilicate glass ( often known as Pyrex ), these toys are pretty damned hard to break. If it wasn’t the case, they definitely wouldn’t be this popular!
Just keep in mind that glass toys have less give than other materials, so go a size down if you don’t want any surprises.
Glass toys can also hold temperature pretty well, so they are perfect for temperature play. Just don’t put them in the freezer unless you want to end up with a frozen pole and tongue situation down there. To avoid any complications, we generally suggest running hot or cold water on the toy before play.
For those looking for strap-on compatible glass toys, the Icicles no.5, 28, 53, 61, 62, and 63 are all good choices.
But other than that, these beautiful, hygienic & frictionless toys are well worth trying!
Blush’s Nude Impressions
Finding a good dildo with a suction cup that is both body-safe and affordable is like trying to find a dragqueen at a Trump rally.
What’s even harder is finding an unrealistic dildo that does all of the above and that vibrates as well.
Well, the Blush’s Nude Impressions are here to change that.
On top of being very affordable ( a thing we’ve come to expect from Blush ) for the many features they hold, they’re 100% waterproof and have 10 different vibrating modes. The strength of the vibrations isn’t phenomenal but it isn’t weak either. So these hands-free sex toys should satisfy most people, though powerqueens and kings might have to look elsewhere for their rumbles.
All these toys come in abstract and unconventional shapes and even if that’s not your thing, they’re still one hell of a bargain.
Quick tip: If you’re having trouble charging your toy, be sure that you push the plug all the way in since it’s really not obvious how far the plug should go.
Following closely behind indie companies, big manufacturers seem to have all jumped on the dual-density bandwagon. Realnude is Blush’s attempt at making their own version of this popular silicone combo.
Being one of my favorite affordable sex toy manufacturers, our expectations were high. And we’re happy to say that, as usual, they delivered.
More Semi-Realistic than completely abstract, they come in one skin tone as well as having pink and blue options for most of their models.
So how does their Dual Density Silicone compare to the competition?
Well, like most blends, they’re squishier than Tantus’s O2, and the firm inner core is one of the bendiest around.
But most importantly, suction cups come included with every model.
A feature that rarely makes an appearance in Dual-density toys, with only a few Vixskin toys having passable suction cups. We’d even go as far as saying that they’re the best suction cups you can find on Dual Density silicone toys PERIOD. An impressive feat coming from such a budget option!
Even if you were planning on spending buckets of cash on the best dildo you can find, it’s hard to let the Realnudes pass. And at that price, you might just as well get both.
By now, you guys should know that we just love independent toymakers and Funkit is no exception.
This one-man operation makes gorgeous artful pieces as well as dirt cheap, quality dildos.
A rare thing coming from such a small company.
The aptly named Nofrilldos are exactly what the name suggests. They’re cheap as hell, small and simple with a nice glossy finish. You can get them in many colors and in three different minimalist shapes.
If you’re ready to spend a bit more, their signature toys almost all come in gorgeous transparent silicone, with opaque and colorful patterns on the inside. Just like the Nofrilldos, the glossy finish barely has any drag and should slip right in without a hitch. The transparency coupled with the slippery finish really bridges the gap between glass and silicone in a beautiful way.
So if you always loved the idea of glass toys, but you disliked the rigidness of it, Funkit toys are a great alternative.
Split peaches is another favorite indie company of mine and now that you’re aware of it, it’ll probably become your one-stop-shop for minimalistic, cute or whimsical designs as well.
They have simple and colorful designs as well as quirky as hell dildos like their ever-popular unicorn horns.
They’re one of the rare companies to offer sizes for the more petite as well as for the most hardened size queens. So really it doesn’t matter if you prefer your cute unicorn horns tiny or huge!
If you’d fancy something a little more rugged they’ve also got the popular “Rivetor” and “Screw you” dildos. They are beautiful metallic-looking silicone toys that look more like torture devices than pleasure objects.
Every single toy comes in many sizes, from beginner-friendly to very large and they also offer a ton of beautiful color choices as well!
They aim to fill a gap ( wink, wink ) in an untapped market and this is what makes them so interesting, unique, and, most of all, worthy of this list!
Just note that while it’s always better to shop directly from their site, SheVibe sometimes carry some cool discontinued colors as well.
Tantus is a classic company with one of the largest collection of high-quality silicone toys.
While most of their toys are made of glossy frictionless silicone, they still have a few matte models as well.
They also offer a pretty big collection of large silicone dildos. Which is a rare thing coming from such a mainstream company. But Tantus always was special like that!
Their beautiful designs along with Tantus’s dual-density squishy O2 silicone make these toys some the best in their collection!
Their non-realistic dual-density silicone O2 toys are also a nice option in a world where dual-density toys seem only reserved for realistic dildos.
Fun Factory Dildos
Fun Factory is an established German company with tons of innovative designs. But their quest to push the envelope hasn’t stopped them from using their expertise to make some good old fashioned dildos as well.
Most of their Minimalistic dildos are on the firmer side and come with a matte finish.
It’s something that can make the toys a little draggy, but with a bit of extra water lube, you shouldn’t really feel the difference.
They offer a variety of standard silicone dildos with comprehensive sizes starting from their small Amor to their larger Boss.
Each one of these toys come with a pretty unique flat base that doubles as a suction cup. Like a lot of silicone suction cups, they can be a bit hit or miss, but it is still a welcome addition.
If you’re feeling a little more adventurous, their Bouncer dildo comes with Ben-Wa-like balls that move inside the shaft as you move it, for some extra sensation.
Fun Factory also makes a nice range of rechargeable Vibrating dildos that are completely waterproof.
Their cheaper models are should be perfect for most people, but if you’d rather have stronger, rumblier toys, you should definitely take a look at their G5 dildos.
And if you’re looking for some real innovative, you should definitely check out their Stronic Line as well.
Of course, if you’d prefer squishier and slicker toys, you might feel a little left out. But for anyone else, their collection is well worth checking out.
BS Atelier Dildos
When it comes to great indie companies, BS Atelier ( or BS is Nice ) is another dildo maker that shouldn’t be skipped.
Their toys are all hand-made in Spain by a feminist and queer-friendly team.
So there’s no guilt associated with supporting this small business, something that we can’t say about some of the larger manufacturers.
Every hand-poured dildos are unique, redefining the meaning of “Art Lover” one toy at a time. So if you ever wanted to have sex with a Pollock painting, this is as close as you’ll get!
Their toys come in a limited amount of shapes with their Alex being the smallest and Max the biggest.
And for people who are looking for a more intense curve, their G-Spot dildos come in 3 different sizes as well.
But no matter which model you go for, most of these toys are rigid and curvy enough to provide some pretty good G-spot stimulation as well.
As mentioned above, they have beautiful Pollock-like designs, but they also carry interesting layered dildos reminiscent of the cheap Avant dildos by Blush. These layered toys also come in a variety of different LGBTQ flag colors, so they make great gifts for your favorite queermos.
But if you’re into real squishy and/or textured toys, these might not do it for you.
Luxe by Calexotics
The Luxe Touch-Sensitive dildos are probably the only high-end vibrating suction cup dildos available today.
While it seems like every other type of toy has gotten the high-end treatment, suction cup dildos have been completely left behind.
The Semi-Realistic Luxe aims to fix that and does it beautifully with a pretty unique feature to boot. Its rechargeable, waterproof and comes with 10 different vibrating modes and innovative touch-sensitive sensors.
You see, the deeper you stroke, the stronger the vibrations get.
Instead of being just a simple gimmick, it actually makes this semi-realistic dildo even more hands-free whether it’s stuck on a wall or in a strap-on.
Sadly, the luxe comes in only one rather universal size, but to soften the blow, you do get a nice range of colors to pick from.
Throw in some pretty unique features and some pretty decent vibrations and you’ve got a semi-realistic dildo in a league of its own.
That’s right, another indie company! What can I say, I’m a huge sucker for sex toy artisans.
You see, Uberimme is one of those rare independent companies that broke through the Etsy world and landed spots in some of the most popular stores of today.
Something that is quite understandable since they make some of the most beautiful marbled silicone designs we’ve ever seen.
These pieces of fuckable art come in a variety of abstract and fantasy designs.
While most of them are uniquely textured, they’re not that overwhelming since their silicone has a fair amount of squish to it.
We also big fans their glow-in-the-dark toys like their re-imagination of the classic Jellyfish dildo and the Dr. Manhattan. Plus, as a part-time toy reviewer and full-time nerd, I really appreciate the comic book reference.
Uberrime also makes a great dual-density dildo named the Splendid.
While not entirely unrealistic in shape, the interesting colors it comes in sure balances it out.
Splendid’s silicone has a consistency that lies between the harder O2 by Tantus and the softer Vixskin by Vixen creations, so it’s a great middle ground for people who are torn between the two.
But for those who are still reading this, these toys are perfect for people who love beautiful dildos with just the right amount of squish and texture.
We suggest browsing at both SheVibe and Peepshow Toys since their selection of premade toys are entirely different. Of course, if you’d rather have a custom made dildo by Uberrime, you should head to their Etsy Store instead.
If you like your glam with a side of artistry, you will love Crystal Delights.
Handmade in very durable borosilicate glass, almost every unique piece comes adorned with a genuine Swarovski crystal.
They make gorgeous dildos ( and butt plugs ) in all sorts of different shapes and sizes.
A lot of what has been said about the previous cheaper and mass-produced Icicles is also true about these toys. But just keep in mind that, like with any other Swarovski toys, you should avoid boiling them during sanitization since it could dislodge the crystal from its base.
Their classic models are simple and beautiful and all come adorned with a genuine Swarovski Crystal.
If you’re feeling adventurous, their twist dildo will provide a sensation like no other.
Literally meant to screw yourself, this twisted glass dildo might seem intimidating at first. But once you get past its looks, it is actually known to feel amazing on G-Spots and prostates alike. This all thanks to its many pronounced ridges. Just remember that this dildo is meant for twisting, and not thrusting!
Raquel and Mustang by Vixen Creations
O how we love Vixen Creations’ Vixskin dual-density silicone toys.
They all feature a firm inner core and the squishiest outer core we’ve ever seen. So they’re comfortable to use and feel as natural as a toy can get.
If only they made more unrealistic models in that more-than-perfect material. Still, they left us with two absolutely great options to satisfy most of our needs: The smaller Raquel and the thicker Mustang.
Now while Raquel looks nothing like a penis the Mustang is, sadly, not entirely unrealistic.
The mold, being pretty realistic, is somehow balanced out by the bright funky colors it comes in. And from my experience, a nice unnatural color often goes a long way in making folks switch to the other side.
Both models also come with pretty decent suction cups, making these two some of our favorite unrealistic dildos.
If you don’t mind realistic shapes when coupled with flashy colors, the posable pack and play dildos from NYTC are also great options. It also helps that they’re some of the best g-spotting and prostate dildos around.
Update: Since we first wrote this entry, Vixen Creations has released even more colorful versions of their classic toys.
Unrealistic dual-density toys are so rare to find and I know a lot of folks who would be very happy to have more options available to them in that department.