The 14 Best Dildos That Don’t Look Like Actual Dicks

To see the prices of the toys, click the links after their description. They are not included in the articles since they are subject to change.


Intro

Whether you're a lesbian, a heterosexual man or just someone who prefers simple and beautiful designs, chances are you're not looking for a realistic dildo. 
So if you're aversed to folds and veins galore, you've landed in the right place! 
In this article, we will cover the best semi-realistic, unrealistic and abstract dildos available today. 

And almost all of these one-way tickets to Smashville are Harness Compatible, so fans of pegging, strap-on lesbos, and trans men rejoice!

They're also almost all safe to use for anal play. 
So as long as there is a base, you should be good to go.

Otherwise, If you are not looking for an unrealistic dildo, refer to our realistic dildos list where you're bound to find what you're looking for!

And if you're looking for truly large toys, you're better off reading our large sex toys list.


Also, make sure to see our guide on what lubes to use as well as how to clean your toys to avoid any complications.


That being said, here’s our top 14 list of the best unrealistic dildos, not necessarily from worst to best, because everyone’s needs and budgets are different.

Cheap Dildos

 

Luxe collection Dildos by Blush Novelties

best unrealistic dildo

This is as cheap as an unrealistic dildo gets.
The Luxe line of toys by blush novelties are all made of silky smooth brushed silicone. While it might add a bit of drag to your toy, it is nothing that a bit of extra lube won't fix.
Still, If you prefer glossy silicone over brushed you'll be happier with most of the toys further down on the list.

They come in a variety of sizes and all their non-vibrating models are strap-on compatible. If you prefer larger/Longer toys this is where they lack in options.
But don't fret size queens ( and kings ), because the Maia line of silicone dildos (U.K.come in bigger more filling sizes and are almost of the same quality and price.

Our only real concern is that some of the models look like straight up Tantus replicas.
It is also worth noting that these toys are not the most flexible or squishy silicone toys on the market.

Conclusion

These are best dildos you can find for such a low price.
But if rigid toys are uncomfortable for you, or if you'd like a suction cup, we highly suggest you keep on reading!

Cheapest Places to buy:

Worldwide: SheVibe

 

Avant by Blush Novelties

best unrealistic dildo

 

If you invest a little more, blush novelties also hold the beautiful Avant line.
These unique designs are all hand poured layer after layer with premium body safe silicone.
They're more flexible, squishy and come with strong suction cups.

In this collection, you will find anything from almost non-phallic to semi-realistic designs

And while it changes nothing about the toys themselves, we love the cultural references used in the toy names.
You can buy the classic black, white and red "Sin city" dildo. Or maybe you prefer the ever sexy "Purple Rain". We truly believe that Prince would be honored to be immortalized as a stylish purple unrealistic dildo.
We're also big fans of the G-Spot and P-Spot champion, the "Pride" dildo!

The Avant line has toys starting at 5.25 inches to 6.5 inches in insertable length, and 1.25 to 1.75 inches in width.
So while most would be satisfied with this, people who enjoy larger toys might feel left out.

Conclusion

The Avant line is Affordable, stylish, clever and most importantly, every model comes with a pretty good suction cup attached to it.
If you're looking for a bigger toy or something not too rigid, it might not be perfect for you. Otherwise, this is a solid little collection of toys.

Cheapest Places to buy:

Worldwide: SheVibe

 

Icicles by Pipedream

best unrealistic dildo

The Icicles line is the most affordable and biggest collection of glass toys we've seen so far.
On top of being little works of art, Glass toys are frictionless, easy to sanitize and compatible with all lubes.

Also don't worry, being made of Borosilicate ( often known as Pyrex ), these glass toys are pretty hard to break. If it wasn't the case believe us they wouldn't be that popular.
Just keep in mind that glass toys have less give than other materials, so go a size down if you don't want any surprises.

Glass toys also hold temperature well, so they are perfect for temperature play.
Just don't put it in the freezer unless you want to end up with a frozen pole and tongue situation down there. We generally suggest simply running hot or cold water on the toy before play.

If you're looking for strap-on compatible glass toys, the Icicles no.5, 28, 53, 61, 62, and 63  are all good choices.

And beware, some of the colored models have been known to have the colors peel off while boiling and we would doubt its the most body safe options out there. The only accounts we've heard of so far were on the red glass toys.
A lot of the other models should be fine since the color is usually inside the glass.

Conclusion

The only downside is that no glass toy ever came with a suction cup.
Also, if you're not into rigid toys, these are obviously not for you.

Cheapest Place to buy:

U.S. & Canada: SheVibe
U.K.: LoveHoney

 

Blush's Nude Impressions

best unrealistic dildo

Finding the best dildo with a suction cup that is both body-safe and affordable is hard work.
What's even harder is finding an unrealistic dildo that does all of the above and vibrates as well.

This is what Blush's Nude Impressions are here to accomplish.

On top of being very affordable ( a thing we've come to expect from Blush ) for the many features they hold, they're 100% waterproof and have 10 different vibrating modes.

The strength of the vibrations aren't phenomenal but aren't weak either. So the power of these hands-free sex toys should satisfy most people.

All these toys come inabstract and unconventional shapesand even if that's not your thing, it's still one hell of a bargain. 

Also if you're having trouble charging your toy, be sure that you push the plug all the way in since it's not obvious how far the plug should go.

Conclusion

Affordable, vibrating, waterproof and rechargeable suction cup dildos. Do we have to say anything more?

Cheapest Places to buy:

Worldwide: SheVibe 

 


Mid-Range Dildos

 

Blush's Realnude

best unrealistic dildo

Following closely behind indie companies, big manufacturers seem to all have jumped on the dual-density wagon.

Realnude is Blush's attempt at making their own version of this popular silicone combo.

And being one of our favorite affordable sex toy manufacturers, our expectations were high. And we're happy to say that, as usual, they delivered. 

More on the Semi-Realistic side, they come in one skin tone as well as having pink and blue options for most of their models. 

So how does their Dual Density Silicone compare to the competition? Well, like most blends, they're squishier than Tantus's O2, and the firm inner core is one of the bendiest around.

Most importantly, suction cups come included with every model.
A feature that rarely makes an appearance in Dual density toys, with only a few Vixskin toys having passable suction cups.

We'd even go as far as saying that they're the best suction cups you can find on Dual Density silicone toys. An impressive feat coming from a budget option.

Conclusion

Affordable, semi-realistic, dual density silicone toys with good suction cups.
I mean, what more can you ask for?

Even if you were planning on spending buckets of cash on the best dildo you can find, it's hard to let the Realnudes pass. And at that price, you might just as well get both.

Cheapest Places to buy:

Worldwide: Peepshow Toys

 

Funkit

best unrealistic dildo

By now, you guys should know that we just love independent toy makers and Funkit is no exception.

This one-man operation makes gorgeous pieces as well as dirt cheap, quality dildos.
A rare thing coming from such a small company.

The aptly named Nofrilldos are exactly what the name suggests. They're dirt cheap, small and simple with a nice glossy finish.
You can get them in many colors and in three different shapes. 

best unrealistic dildoIf you're ready to spend a bit more, their signature toys almost all come in gorgeous transparent silicone, with opaque and colorful patterns on the inside. 
Just like the Nofrilldos, the glossy finish barely has any drag and should slip right in without a hitch.

The transparency coupled with the slippery finish really bridges the gap between glass and silicone. 
So if you always loved the idea of glass toys, but you disliked the rigidness of it, Funkit toys are a great alternative.

Conclusion

Beautiful and handmade, Funkit has an unrealistic dildo for the broke and the fancy. So whether you're only looking for a sweet no-frills option or a gorgeous transparent piece, they've got you covered.

Cheapest Places to buy:

Worldwide: Peepshow Toys
Worldwide: SheVibe

 

Split Peaches

Large sex toys

Split peaches is another favorite indie company of ours.
And now that you're aware of it, it'll probably become your one-stop shop for Minimalistic, cute or whimsical designs.

They have simple and colorful designs as well as quirky ones like their ever-popular unicorn horns.
And they're one of the rare companies to offer sizes for the more petite as well as for hardened size queens.
So it doesn't matter if you prefer your cute unicorn horns tiny or huge!

If you'd fancy something a little more rugged they've also got the popular "Rivetor" and "Screw you" dildos. They are beautiful metallic looking silicone toys that look more like torture devices than pleasure objects.

Every single toy comes in many sizes, from beginner to very large and they also offer a ton of beautiful color choices as well.

Conclusion

Split Peaches has something for everyone... unless you're into crazy realistic dildos that is. And if that's what you're looking for, there are tons of options out there for you to pick from anyway. 

They aim to fill up a gap ( wink, wink ) in an untapped market.
This is what makes them so interesting, unique, and, most of all, worthy of this list!

Cheapest Places to buy:

Worldwide: Split Peaches 
SheVibe sometimes carry some discontinued colors as well.

 

Tantus Line

best unrealistic dildo

The Tantus Line of toys has the largest selection of high-quality silicone toys.

While most of their toys are made of glossy frictionless silicone, they still have a few matte models as well.

All their vibrating options have removable vibrators that can be replaced by their great suction cup add-on.
Another strong point is that almost all their toys are harness compatible as well.

We would also like to give a special mention to their Flurry, Cush, Duchess, Slick Small and Large .
Their beautiful designs along with Tantus's dual-density squishy O2 silicone make these toys the best ones of their collection.

Conclusion

This is the biggest most diverse silicone dildo collection you can find, there truly is something for everybody. Their non-realistic dual density silicone O2 toys are also a nice option in a world where dual density toys seem only reserved for realistic looking toys.

Best Place to buy:

Worldwide: Tantus 

While this might not seem to be the cheapest place to buy from, it is definitively the safest place since inferior counterfeits plague the Market.
If you want a genuine product, we recommend you to shop directly from Tantus.

 

Fun Factory Dildos

non-phallic dildo

Fun Factory is an established German company with tons of innovative designs.
But their quest to push the envelope hasn't stopped them from using their expertise to make some good old traditional dildos either.

Most of their Minimalistic dildos are on the firmer side and come with a matte finish.
It's something that can make the toys a little draggy, but with a bit of extra water lube, you shouldn't feel the difference. 

They offer a variety of standard silicone dildos with comprehensive sizes starting from their small Amor to their larger Boss.
And each one of these toys come with a pretty unique flat base that doubles as a suction cup.
Like a lot of silicone suction cups, they can be hit and miss, but it is still a welcome addition.

But if you're feeling a little more adventurous, their Bouncer dildo comes with Ben-Wa-like balls that move inside the shaft as you move it, for some extra sensation.

Fun Factory also makes a nice range of rechargeable Vibrating dildos that are completely waterproof.
Their cheaper models are perfect for most people, but if you'd rather have stronger, rumblier toys, you should take a look at their G5 dildos.

And if you want to have a taste of Fun Factory's innovative style, you should definitely check out their Stronic Line as well.

Conclusion

Offering minimalistic and attractive designs, Fun Factory has a dildo for almost every need.
Of course, if you'd prefer squishier and smoother toys, you might feel a little left out.
But for anyone else, their collection is well worth checking out.

Best Place to buy:

Standard
Worldwide: SheVibe

Vibrating
Worldwide: SheVibe

 


High-End Dildos

 

BS Atelier Dildos

Unrealistic Dildo

When it comes to great indie companies, BS Atelier ( or BS is Nice ) is another dildo maker that shouldn't be skipped.

Their toys are all hand-made in Spain by a feminist and queer-friendly team.
So there's no guilt associated with supporting this small business, something that we can't say about some of the bigger companies.

Every hand-poured dildos are unique and truly redefine the meaning of "Art Lover".
So if you ever wanted to have sex with a Pollock painting, this is as close as you'll get!

Their toys come in a limited amount of shapes with their Alex being the smallest and Max the biggest.
And for people who are looking for a more intense curve, their G-Spot dildos come in 3 different sizes as well.

But no matter which model you go for, most of these toys are rigid and curvy enough to provide some good G-spot stimulation as well. 

As mentioned above, they have beautiful Pollock-like designs, but they also carry interesting layered dildos reminiscent of the cheap Avant dildos by Blush.
These layered toys also come in a variety of different LGBTQ flag colors, so they make great gifts for your favorite queer folks.

Conclusion

If you're looking for the perfect dildo for an art lover or someone from the LGBTQ community, this is a good place to look.
If you're into real squishy and/or textured toys, these might not do it for you.
But otherwise, these are all great choices.

Best Place to buy:

Worldwide: SheVibe

 

Luxe by Calexotics

Hands free toys

The Luxe Touch-Sensitive dildos are probably the only high-end vibrating suction cup dildos available today.

While it seems that every other type of toy has gotten the high-end treatment, suction cup dildos have been completely left behind.

The Semi-Realistic Luxe aims to fix that and does it beautifully with a pretty unique feature to boot.

Its rechargeable, waterproof and comes with 10 different vibrating modes and innovative touch-sensitive sensors.
You see, the deeper you stroke, the stronger the vibrations get.

And instead of being just a simple gimmick, it actually makes this unrealistic dildo even more hands-free to use whether it's stuck on a wall or in a strap-on.

Sadly, the luxe comes in only one rather universal size, but you do get a nice range of colors to choose from.

Conclusion

Vibrating suction cup dildos are like the unicorns of the sex toy world.
Throw in some pretty unique features and some pretty decent vibrations as well and you've got an unrealistic dildo that is in a league of its own.

Cheapest Places to buy:

Worldwide: SheVibe

 

Uberrime Dildos

abstract dildos

That's right, another indie company! 
What can I say, we're all suckers for sex toy artisans here at Tabooless. 

And Uberimme is one of those rare independent companies that broke through the Etsy world and landed spots in some of the most popular stores of today.

Something that is quite understandable since they make some of the most beautiful marbled silicone designs we've ever seen.

These pieces of fuckable art come in a variety of abstract and fantasy designs.
And while most of them are uniquely textured, they're not that overwhelming since their silicone has a fair amount of squish to it.
We also big fans their glow-in-the-dark toys like their re-imagination of the classic Jellyfish dildo and the Dr. Manathan. 

Uberrime also makes a great dual density dildo named the Splendid.
And while not entirely unrealistic in shape, the interesting colors it comes in sure balances it out.
Splendid's silicone has a consistency that lies between the harder O2 by Tantus and the softer Vixskin by Vixen creations, so it's a great middle ground for people who are torn between the two.

Conclusion

If you love marbled silicone toys as much as we do, you're probably already smashing the buy button as hard as you can by now.

But for those who are still reading this, these toys are perfect for people who love their beautiful dildos with just the right amount of squish and texture.

Cheapest Places to buy:

Worldwide: SheVibe
Worldwide: Peepshow Toys
We suggest browsing at both SheVibe and Peepshow Toys since their selection of premade toys is entirely different. 
Of course, if you'd rather have a custom made dildo by Uberrime, you should head to their Etsy Store instead.

 

Crystal Delights

best unrealistic dildo

If you like your glam with a side of artistry, you will love Crystal Delights.
Handmade in very durable borosilicate glass, almost every unique piece comes adorned with a genuine Swarovski crystal.

They make gorgeous dildos ( and butt plugs ) in all sorts of different shapes and sizes. 
A lot of what has been said about the previous cheaper and mass-produced Icicles is also true about these toys.
But keep in mind that, like with any other Swarovski toys, you should avoid boiling for clean up, since it could dislodge the crystals.

Their classic models are simple and beautiful and all come with a Swarovski Crystal on the base.

Otherwise, if you're feeling adventurous, their twist dildo will provide a sensation like no other. Literally meant to screw yourself, this twisted unrealistic dildo might seem scary and be intimidating at first. But once you get past its looks, it is actually known to feel amazing on G-Spots and prostates alike, thanks to its many pronounced ridges.
Just remember that this dildo is meant for twisting, and not thrusting!

If you want something even more minimalistic than their classic dildos, they do offer a nice set of dilators. While they are mostly made for women suffering from vaginismus or trans women going through SRS, the wide range of sizes along with the tapered and smooth shafts will work well for almost anyone looking for a simple glass dildo. 

Conclusion

Honestly, this is as classy as an unrealistic dildo gets.
So if you want every single part of you to look like a million bucks, you know what to do.

Cheapest Places to buy:

U.S. & Canada: SheVibe
Worldwide: Crystal Delights

 

Raquel and Mustang by Vixen Creations

best unrealistic dildo

O how we love Vixen Creations' Vixskin dual density silicone toys.
They all feature a firm inner core and the squishiest outer core we've ever seen.
They're comfortable to use and feel as natural as a toy can get.

If only they made more unrealistic models in that more than perfect material.
Still, they left us with two absolutely great options to satisfy our needs: The smaller Raquel and the thicker Mustang.

Now while Raquel looks nothing like a penis the Mustang is, sadly, not entirely unrealistic.
The mold, being pretty real looking, is somehow balanced out by the bright funky colors it comes in. From our experience, often a nice unnatural color goes a long way in making some people who would otherwise be deterred to buy realistic dildos switch to the other side.

Both models also come with pretty decent suction cups, making these two some of our favorite unrealistic dildos.

If you don't mind realistic shapes when coupled with flashy colors, the posable pack and play dildos from NYTC are also great options. It also helps that they're some of the best g-spotting and prostate dildos around.

best unrealistic dildo

Update: Since we wrote this entry, Vixen Creations has released even more colorful versions of their classic toys. So once more, if a realistic shape isn't too much of a big deal for you when it's coupled with completely unrealistic colors, these should do the trick as well.

Conclusion

Our only complaint is that there aren't enough abstract VixSkin dildos.
It's an untapped market and I know a lot of people that would be very happy to have more options available to them in that department.

Cheapest Places to buy:

Raquel

U.S. & Canada: SheVibe
U.K.: UberKinky

Mustang

U.S. & Canada: Amazon

While we usually don't encourage buying sex toys from Amazon due to the many knockoffs circulating around, The Shag Supply vendor is one of the rare trustworthy sellers on the site. They also have the cheapest prices for Vixen creations toys around.
They don't always have all the models available though, so If you can't find what you like, you should check out SheVibe ( Pink | Tie-Bright ).

U.K.: UberKinky

Author Details
Founder & Editor Tabooless

Jimmy is a veteran sex shop worker and currently a freelance illustrator & head honcho at Tabooless.net.

In his spare time, he enjoys traveling, breakfast for every meal, and shooting the shit with his kitty cat.

His goal is to create a better world by making sure no naughty bits are left behind.

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