Anal how to guide

Anal Sex For Dummies: A Comprehensive Anal How-To Guide

Anal sex may be an acquired taste, but if done right, it can be a potentially amazing addition to anyone’s sex life.

It also helps that the butt just doesn’t discriminate. We all have one, after all.
So it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, cis or trans, straight, gay, or anywhere in between. The butthole is truly the most progressive of all orifices.

The only problem is that, if done wrong, it could potentially turn you ( or your partner ) completely off to the idea. This is exactly why I’ve put together this handy little guide to the wonderful world of anal sex!

Throughout the course of this guide to anal sex, I’ll cover everything you need to know, from the planning to the actual act, so you can come out of this a true butt-loving champ.

So without further ado, let’s dive down this rabbit hole! And you can believe this won’t be the last of my innuendos.


Before we get to the fun stuff, it’s only fitting that we go over some safety guidelines.

This section is probably the most important and you should take all of these tips very seriously if you want to stay fit for as much action as your heart desires.


No lube, no butt stuff

I will repeat for the people in the back: You should ALWAYS use lube during anal sex, and plenty of it. It’s also good to lubricate the anus as well as the toy and/or appendage your wish to insert.

While some might argue that the sensations are a tad more intense when “raw-dogging”/ going dry, the risks involved are way too high to even consider it an option. Tear your asshole and spend months healing while being on the strictest diet high.
So for the marginal improvements in sensation, it’s really not worth the risk.


The best lube for anal sex

Silicone lubes are definitely the best for anal sex.

They’re extremely long-lasting, so you won’t have to constantly reapply more during intercourse. 
But silicone lube can be a tad tricky since it’ll break down silicone toys, which is the most popular body-safe material for sex toys.

Our favorite silicone lubes for anal sex are the Sliquid Silver and the Wet platinum, which is thicker and helps with friction.

If you’re ready to invest a little more, the Pjur silicone lube with added Jojoba oil is another great option that’ll help you relax for an easier insertion

Water-based lubes are the most compatible of all, being safe to use on any type of toys or condoms.

But they are definitely not long-lasting. This means that they will dry up and become quite sticky, forcing you to reapply all throughout your anal sex sessions. Even though they’re some of the cheapest lubes around, it sort of cancels out when you have to use a buttload ( Teehee! ) of it.

Still, with all things considered, I’m a sucker for Sliquid’s h20 since it’s one of the longer-lasting water lubes out there. But if you’re looking for something thicker, Maximus lube is definitely the way to go.

Coconut oil is another great choice for anal sex since it’s compatible with most toys and is much more long-lasting than water-based lubes.

But if you’re planning on inviting an actual penis into your backdoor, know that just like petroleum & other oil-based lubes, coconut oil will break down condoms, rendering them entirely useless. So it’s only worth using if both partners have been recently tested.

Another thing to consider for cis-female receivers is that coconut oil can affect your vaginal PH in a bad way, and having your anus so close to your lady bits could lead to some complications. Of course, not every woman reacts badly to coconut oil, so you might have to test it out first before going all in. 

Another great option for anal sex is Boy Butter. And if you think the name is hilarious, wait until you see the packaging. It’s coconut oil-based, but it doesn’t melt as pure coconut oil would. So you can apply as thick of it as you want without making a mess. 
It also doesn’t stain sheets as the unaltered stuff would. But this time around, you should definitely not use it for vaginal sex. 


Go slow or go home

Taking your time when inserting anything into your/a bum is mandatory. It’s way to easy to cause pain or tears, which could lead to a host of complications like STDs and/or weeks off the butt stuff.

So when initiating anal sex, you should always go as slowly as possible. Once things are nice and comfortable,  you can then ramp things up a little.
So really inch your way bit by bit and don’t force anything. Pain is your body’s way of telling you to slow the fuck down, so please listen to it.

And just like you should take your time when initiating, you should do the very same when pulling out.
You see, pulling out like a madman could, of course, lead to tears and pain. But even worse yet, it could cause a “plunger effect” that could unleash a literal shitstorm upon the love-making surface of your choice. 


So needless to say that if you’re engaging in anal sex with a partner, communication is mandatory on both ends. Check in with your significant other as often as possible and listen to any pointers on their part as if it was your religion.


Never go from A to V

Just like the Ghostbusters should never cross streams and you should never feed gremlins after midnight, you should NEVER EVER go from ass to vagina.
If you forgo this warning, she could easily contract a UTI or even worst yet, bacterial vaginosis.

Now if you absolutely need to do the switch, make sure to sanitize your toys or manhood carefully before “visiting the neighbors”. Switching condoms is also a decent way of going about it, but nothing beats a thorough wash.


Use toys with stoppers only

The anus has a strange tendency of sucking things up into it. And if you lose your toy, an embarrassing trip to the ER is the only way to get it out. So when it comes to sex toys & anal sex, you should only use toys with stoppers and nothing else.

What is a stopper? Anything that acts as a base or a way of preventing toys from slipping completely inside of you.

Having worked in a hospital in the past, I can tell you that it is almost as prevalent as your common cold. Every day we’d hear new stories about the latest butt excavations.

So to be safe, stick with butt plugs, prostate toys, and dildos with bases, suction cups, or testicles attached.

Not a stopper in sight



Anal sex is a lot like life; shit happens. Something that could potentially turn off a lot of folks to the idea.
But there are ways to avoid a mess that could leave a stain on your overall experience ( I just can’t stop, can I? ).

Of course, there are no surefire ways of ensuring that no residue is left behind. So it is good for you and/or your partner to understand that.
If you think you/they would freak out at the first hint of the funky stuff, anal sex might not be for you/them.


To douche or not to douche?

While many would think an enema/anal douche is the only way to make sure that everything is nice and tidy, it’s actually not the only way to go about it. I’d even argue that you shouldn’t solely rely on enemas since it could alter your bacterial flora in a bad way. Especially if you overdo it.

But if you do decide to douche, stick to a maximum of 4 times a month and you should be just fine.

If you’re a healthy chap, eating a high fiber diet along with some planning could be all you need to keep your backdoor as tidy as possible. 

While it might seem counterintuitive, you’re actually your cleanest after a bowel movement. Especially when you’re including the right amount of fibers in your diet.

Therefore, knowing that it takes about 8 to 14 hours for food to go from your mouth to the toilet, paying attention to when you eat could help you to prepare for your big night. Something that can be especially useful for those who want to make anal sex a frequent thing.

Once the deed is done, clean yourself in the shower or with a bidet and test the waters with a toy or a finger to make sure everything is A-OK.
For those living outside of Europe, middle-east, and Japan, its also possible to easily install a bidet attachment to almost any toilet.
Just never use soap inside of your anus unless you’re ready for some serious irritations.

Of course, you can’t always plan hours ahead. And sometimes you just really want to present your best self, inside and out.
This is when douching could be a good idea. Even if it’s just a way of boosting your butt confidence pre-intercourse.


The 3 kinds of anal douches

There are 3 different types of Anal Douches: Bulbs, shower attachments, and douche bags ( I know, it’s hilarious ).

Nexus Anal Douche

Bulb douches are the cheapest of the 3 and also the easiest to use.

We usually recommend going with a silicone bulb since they are the most durable and the easiest to sanitize.
Just disassemble it and boil the silicone parts for a few minutes, wash the rest with dish soap and you’re all set.

Since the reservoir is rather small, you will have to constantly refill the bulb until you are entirely clean.
Bulbs also don’t clean as deep as some other alternatives, so if you’re planning on putting anything longer than a basic toy or penis in there, you might need an upgrade.

Also, if you’re not careful, loosening your grip on the bulb could cause what’s brewing inside to be sucked right back into the bulb. Something that not only feels weird as hell but also could make clean up a bit more involved in the aftermath.

Shower Attachments are extremely convenient since you will never need to refill them mid-wash.

They also offer a more thorough cleanse since they provide plenty of pressure. Something that can be quite useful if you enjoy playing with depth.
Of course, attachments that allow you to adjust the pressure are safer since too much pressure could be a literal pain in the ass.

Because of how they hook to your shower, they are usually better suited for those who wouldn’t mind having them in their bathroom at all times. So if grandma likes to randomly drop-in, you might have to abstain from this one.

douche bag enema

Douche Bags are the best of both worlds. They’re portable, easy to install and perfect for travelers or folks who need to keep things as stealthy as possible.

The bags are much larger than your usual bulbs, so you might not even need to refill them at all. Just like the shower attachments, you can also adjust the flow to suit your comfort.
From there, you only need to hook the bag higher than your bum and let gravity do its work!


How to douche

1. Before douching, while not mandatory, try going to the bathroom first.

2. To avoid a mess, doing the actual douching in the shower is always a good idea, but keep in mind that you will need to go from the shower to the toilet during this process. So putting some towels between the shower and the toilet to avoid slipping and falling could avoid a catastrophe. 

3. Lukewarm water is best since anything too hot or cold can be quite painful and uncomfortable. And I can’t stress enough: Nothing should be added to that water either.

4. Once your setup is ready, lube up the nozzle, as well as your anus, and insert it carefully. There is no need to go further than an inch unless you’re going to partake in some serious depth play.

5. Gently let the water in until you feel like you need to go to the bathroom.

6. Now pucker up, and quickly go to the toilet and let it all out.

7. Repeat this process until the water comes out clear and you’re done!

While not entirely common, some water might still be trapped inside you. So after your last round, relax on the toilet a little bit or wrap yourself in a towel until you feel like everything is kosher.


How To Have Anal Sex

Getting Started

Now that we’ve got the preparations and disclaimers all out of the way, we can finally get to the fun stuff!

As you may have noticed, the anus is one tight little feller.
So first and foremost, you will want to make the receiver as relaxed as humanly possible. This could be done in a variety of ways. May it be a warm bath, meditation,  breathing exercises, or a nice oily massage.

Of course, you won’t necessarily need to do this every time you want to get frisky, but it sure does help at first. 

Another thing that helps quite a bit is getting sexually stimulated before attempting anything butt-related. Pornography, foreplay, or whatever is your go-to to get your engines running should do the trick.

Start with some external anal stimulation. This feels best with some lubrification, may it be spit or lube. Masturbating at the same time is always a good idea. As you get more comfortable, start slowly inserting a lubricated finger in.

From there, you can simply enjoy these new sensations or start experimenting with more fingers or smaller toys.


Gentlemen, meet your prostate

prostate location

You’re probably already aware of that pleasure-inducing lump hiding a few inches inside of yourself.
Of course ladies, you might want to skip this section, but I suggest you stick around if you enjoy your fair share of men.

To find your prostate ( or his ) you will need to look no further than 2 to 4 inches inside the body following the wall that aligns with the abdomen. It should feel like a rough bump that makes you want to pee when you apply pressure onto it.

To stimulate it, you need to use the same type of motions you would use on the G-spot.
For the uninitiated, I’m talking about the come hither motions you would use if you were trying to ask someone to come closer.
I also like thinking about Spider-man’s hand posture when triggering his web-shooters. But I’m a huge nerd, so just use whatever trick fits your style best.

How to stimulate prostate

As mentioned before, initial pressure on the prostate will make you feel like you want to pee and can even be rather uncomfortable. This is simply because you’re getting pretty close to your bladder. So it is very important you focus on your breath and relax. Masturbating at the same time will also help to convert these feelings to intensely pleasurable ones.

Just like with G-spot stimulation, prostate play requires quite a bit of practice, so don’t get discouraged and keep at it. A good prostate toy can also help to make this experience much easier on the wrists and takes some of the guesswork out of the way.


Getting Prepared For Something Bigger

If your ultimate goal is fitting something larger than a finger or two in there, it’s always a good idea to start with a nice gradual set of butt plugs with thicker necks like the American Pop! Launch! and the Anal Fantasy collection.
This’ll allow you to get used to dilation as you work your way up in size.

A nice set of dilators is also a nice way to go about it and will allow for a bit more depth exploration.

When attempting to fit anything bigger than your finger, it will often feel like you need to go to the bathroom for a glorious number 2.
But don’t freak out, if you’ve followed our tips in the cleanliness section carefully, there’s nothing to worry about and you definitely won’t shit your bed, I promise <3.

As you relax, this sensation will turn from “I need to shit” to “oh my god, cancel all my plans for the evening” in no time.

Again just like in the getting started phase, simultaneous stimulation to other erogenous zones is extremely helpful in getting past the initial discomfort.
As an added bonus, it’ll multiply the intensity and number of orgasms you will get. And who wouldn’t want that?

Pro tip: Pushing with your sphincter muscles as if you were trying to push one out will make relaxing and insertion much easier.
And while it may seem counterintuitive at first, just remember that this is exactly what you do when you’re having a bowel movement, and these are usually pain-free and larger than your usual finger.


So there you go! Everything you needed to know to get you up to speed with anal play.
If you follow all these steps carefully, you should become a seasoned butt-professional in no time.

Just take your time, eat your fibers, keep a healthy supply of lube close by, and stick it where the sun don’t shine!